Simon Cowell, the meanest man in Hollywood, is on the track to fatherhood. And who has the 53-year-old Englishman knocked up? None other than 36-year-old Lauren Silverman, adored New York City socialite, beloved wife of Cowell’s old chap, Andrew Silverman. That’s right, folks. Cowell’s not only an asshole to talentless teenagers who dream of stardom, but also to his own friends, whose wives he believes to be his for the, uh, taking.
A source tells Us Weekly:
“Lauren and Andrew have been unhappy in their marriage for some time, and their divorce has been in the works for a while.”
How fortuitous that Cowell was able to step in, take away Lauren’s pain via penetration, while simultaneously taking her off his buddy’s hands. That’s a quality pal, you guys.
Silverman is said to be ten weeks along, meaning it’s too early to determine the sex of the baby, but Simon says he’d like a girl. This doesn’t surprise me in the least. I have a sixth sense that allows me both to figure out whether or not a guy wants a daughter, and also what sport he played in high school. Simon Cowell just seems like he’d father a baby girl. It’s like he’s been such an asshole his whole life all because karma wanted to counteract how big a pussy he’d become some day in regards to his daughter. Plus, I think Cowell would really enjoy terrifying all future potential suitors with…himself. Poor girl. Maybe.
Image via Associated Press