So Here’s Orlando Bloom’s Dick


Email this to a friend

Nice Move

Orlando Bloom

I’m just going to cut to the chase. The relatively well-endowed, maybe uncircumcised chase. Orlando Blood went paddle boarding dong-out and there are pictures.

The almost 40-year-old (my how time flies) recently went on a relaxing river ride with his girlfriend, you might have heard of her, Katy Perry, in Sardinia, Italy. It was a normal day. The sun was shining, the birds were singing, and Orlando decided to take off all of his clothes, as you do when you go paddle boarding. It’s been said that they were on a nude beach but whatever. The point is, Katy is clothed, Orlando isn’t, and now we know *exactly* what his dick looks like.

Here’s the picture that started the frenzy on social media.

Even with the censor, there’s much to appreciate. The casualness at which he is rowing. The abs. And THE GIANT SHADOW OF HIS DICK AGAINST HIS LEG.

That alone sent people into anaphylactic shock. But wait, it gets better. Because we live in the world of technology and the internet and digging every bit of dirt up about people no matter if it infringes on their privacy or not, the original pictures were found. You know, the one’s without the little censor box. Now, my boss said I’m not allowed to post the pictures here. I know I know, annoying. But don’t worry. I’m going to link them so you can see for yourself. And I kid you not, this is actual dick. Like, *real* dick. So make sure your screen is secure before diving headfirst into Orlando’s groin.

There’s this one, and this in your face gem, and then this really, really bad boy.

I hope you clicked. For your sake, I hope you saw the glory that is Orlando Bloom’s probably uncircumcised penis. And now, for the Twitter responses. Because if there’s not an influx of jokes made on social media, did it even happen?

I don’t know what we do from here. I don’t know how we just keep going. But no matter what happens in life, we’ll always have the memory of Orlando Bloom and his penis, paddle boarding off into the sunset. And in the end, isn’t that all that matters?

[via Elite Daily]

Image via Dmitry Morgan /

(yeahokaywhat) Aspiring to be the next Tina Fey, Rachel spends her free time doing nothing to reach that goal. While judging people based on how they use "they're" vs. "there" on social media, she likes eating buffalo chicken dip, watching other people's Netflix, and wearing sweatpants way more than is socially acceptable. Hate mail and puppy videos can be sent to:

More From Rachel Varina »


You must be logged in to comment. Log in or create an account.

Click to Read Comments (1)