Somebody Is Seemingly Vandalizing Penn State Fraternity Property — Jewish Fraternity Is Most Recent Target, Has Swastikas Drawn On Cars

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On Friday morning, at about 8am, twelve vehicles parked behind the Beta Sigma Beta and Delta Sigma Phi houses at Penn State were discovered to have been vandalized. The culprits presumably did their damage Thursday night when the members of Greek life were obviously sleeping drunk out of their minds at a rager. The targets are believed to be BSB (that’s awesome), the predominantly Jewish fraternity, as the vandalism was largely anti-semitic in nature — someone spray-painted swastikas on the cars. I bet people are going to start calling this a hate crime. (Kidding. It’s obviously a hate crime.)

I don’t know who should be more pissed off — Beta Sig who was obviously a victim of a HORRIBLE prank, or Delta Sig who wasn’t, but had their cars fucked with anyway.

The most suspicious part is that exactly one week earlier, someone set fire to the AGR house. On November 1, someone saw three white men of college age, in the vicinity of the shed that had been set ablaze. Police currently say “there is no evidence that the two incidents are connected,” but I call shenanigans.

Two very hateful and sadistic crimes were executed against Greeks just one week apart? I think someone is trying to send a message. And I think that message is that they want to be invited to more parties. I can just see the scene playing out between the three vengeful geeds.

Geed 1: “You guys, I’m so over Dungeons and Dragons right now.”

Geeds 2 and 3: “WHAT?!?!?”

Geed 1: “No, not like, forever. Just right now. Let’s do something else.”

Geed 2: “Well, what do you want to do? I hear some college students like to socialize on Thursday nights. Like at parties. It’s risky, but it might be nice to switch up our routine. Ordering a pizza followed by World Of Warcraft, followed by a jerk sesh to the hot, animated wood nymph you met on said video game platform can get repetitive.”

Geed 3: “We can’t go to any parties. This really big, mean, devilishly handsome frat guy kicked me out of his party one time. He said my cargo shorts were not part of the dress code, told me my mouth looked like a vagina, and then made out with this girl Beth, whose math homework I do. And I just know she was about to start remembering my name. Does my mouth look like a vagina?

Geed 2: “I don’t know. I’ve never seen one.”

Geed 3: “Me neither. Anyway, he told me not to come back. And he meant business! I hate all fraternities on this campus now based on my one negative interaction with someone who was too drunk to know what was happening!”

Geed 1: “Well, they’re probably not home right now. Want to set their home on fire? Next week we can destroy their cars. And once we’ve destroyed frat row, sorority girls will have no one left, and we can finally have interactions with live women! That’ll show them!”

*Everyone laughs*

Geed 2: “No, actually. Let’s do that.”

End scene.

Police are heavily patrolling the area, which is almost as bad for fraternities as the crimes would have been. A $1,000 reward is being offered up to anyone who can turn in the person/people responsible for the crimes.

[via Centre Daily]

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Veronica (@VeronicaRuckh) is the Director of Total Sorority Move for Grandex, Inc. After having spent her undergraduate years drinking $4 double LITs on a patio and drunk texting away potential suitors, she managed to graduate with an impressive GPA and an unimpressive engagement ring -- so unimpressive, in fact, some might say it's not there at all. Veronica has since been fulfilling her duties as "America's big," a title she gave to herself with the help of her giant ego. She has recently switched from vodka to wine on weekdays. Email her at veronica@grandex.co

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