After the completely ridiculous week-long display of binge drinking and questionable behavior that is Spring Break, it’s hard to imagine the harsh reality of coming back to real life. You spent your whole semester counting down the days and prepping (read: practical starvation and training your liver) for the glorious week you would spend on the beach doing nothing but tanning and drinking. After having endured such a week, you’ll be left ill-equipped with the process of, well…NOT tanning and drinking. Really the only solutions are time, rest, and probably Adderall, but there are a few ways to ease the pain.
You’ll need at least half the number of days you spent on “vacation” destroying your body to recover from it. You may or may not get home from the airport, sleep for 13 hours, eat, nap for 5 hours, eat again, and sleep until 1pm the following Monday. It happens. I’m willing to bet you didn’t sleep on SB, mostly because “passing out in a drunken coma” and “sleeping” are NOT the same thing. Get in bed and don’t get out until you’re back to 100%. After months of dieting and a week where you were probably too busy drinking to remember to consume any substantial non-liquid calories, you’ll also need food. It’s entirely possible that during the weekend between vacation and class you will do nothing but intermittently nap and order cheese fries and pizza (to be delivered, naturally. We already discussed you’re not to get out of bed). You are basically malnourished, and your body is crying out for help in the form of saturated fats and carbs, and for juuust this once, you’ll need to satisfy its demands.
This is a term you’ll eventually learn in the workplace, so you might as well get used to it now. When we subject ourselves to a week in tight quarters with a bunch of other people and throw copious amounts of alcohol into the mix, tempers are bound to get out of control. Maybe you fought about sleeping arrangements or other logistics. Maybe you got so drunk that you don’t even remember what you had a screaming match about, but you did. Maybe things even got physical. Perhaps your bitter ex-boyfriend called you a raging slut in front of all your friends because he saw you give a guy your number and then things were awkward for the rest of the week because you guys were sharing a condo…hypothetically. Regardless, when you get back to campus its time to lick your wounds and figure out how to be friends again. Best-case scenario, you both chalk it up to being way too drunk and cranky from sunburn and lack of sleep and move on. Otherwise, some coffee dates and possibly groveling are in order.
What happens on spring break does not always stay on spring break. If half of your university saw you dancing on top of the pool bar, topless and shaking your ass in the bartender’s face, passed out on the beach after vomiting in the sand, or being escorted away in handcuffs, you’re going to have to mediate the damage. First, be on the lookout for unflattering Facebook photos and make the “remove tag” button your best friend. As I always say, if it’s not on your Facebook page then it didn’t really happen. Secondly, explain to that new guy you were seeing that you really aren’t that slutty but your double-rum pina coladas got the best of you and when you were mo’ing his pledge brother on the beach, you REALLY thought it was him. Lastly, call your parents and tell them someone stole your credit card on your very first day, so all those before-noon triple digit tabs were not yours and the tab from the strip club was DEFINITELY not yours.
After these few steps…Back to reality.