“Secretary…”
“Roll was called. Correspondences:
‘To the sisters of ***, Good luck on finals! Love, the sisters of ***.’
‘Dear, ***, Good luck on finals! Have a happy, healthy holiday season! From ***’
‘To the lovely ladies of ***, Good luck studying for finals in the upcoming weeks, we had a great semester getting to know you, and look forward to more social events in the future. Sincerely, the brothers of *** Fraternity.’”
“New Member Ed…”
“New girls, come see me if you still need to pick up your pledge class letters.”
“Treasurer…”
“Final installments are due the end of this week, payments should be made on billhighway. If you don’t pay your dues, you’re not coming to Semi-Formal. I’m not kidding.”
“Ritual…”
“No Report.”
“PR…”
“Hi girls…I need to talk to you about last week’s mixer. I’m really disappointed in everyone. We have a reputation to uphold. I’ve been a part of this chapter since I was a freshman, and I’ve never seen behavior like I did last week…”
Well she must not have been looking very hard…
“Girls, please stop talking. I understand that this is a social event, and I expect you to drink, but do you have any respect for yourselves at all? I get it…we’re all beautiful girls, we wear tight dresses to socials, and we don’t want panty-lines…but if you’re going to pregame the way I know you do, you really need to be wearing underwear. I saw, not one, but two v-jays, and I’m HUMILIATED. Ever heard the phrase, “leave a little to the imagination.” No one’s interested in playing peek-a-boo.”
-Did I wear underwear or no?
-Hahahaha!! Oops!
-No! I’m kidding! I did! Who was that? I didn’t see any vaginas. Did you? I think Rachel said…
“Girls, if you don’t stop talking, I’m going to start individually calling you out…Thank you. I’m not trying to tell you not to have fun. I drink too. I like to have fun. But you really don’t have to embarrass yourselves like that. When you joined a sorority, you stopped representing yourself, and started representing the whole chapter. The dancing I saw…You know what, it can’t even be classified as dancing. If your head is below your knees, that’s not dancing. If you’re on top of an elevated surface, like the bar, by yourself, that’s not dancing. If you’re using a boy as your own personal stripper pole, that’s not dancing. Let’s make a new rule. Two feet on the ground, at all times. I saw cases of no feet on the ground. NOT OK. I can’t even believe I have to tell you this. GIRLS I CAN SEE YOU ROLLING YOUR EYES! ENOUGH! I understand that we all get drunk, but we have a first-base only policy when it comes to hooking up in public. I’m really not even a fan of MOing on the dance floor, but I get that it happens. But there shouldn’t be any lap dances, and your hands should be where I can see them at all times. So should his. I know you think it’s really cool to hang out with the older guys in these fraternities, but guess what, those guys are my friends, and they were LAUGHING at you. I got so many text messages about “did this really happen at the mixer?” The amount of damage control I’ve had to do is unreal. TWELVE people were sent home the other night because of lewd behavior. TWELVE. That’s a record.”
Not me! Avoiding e-board like the plague since freshman year. Was it really that bad? I didn’t notice. We should just cut them some slack. Everyone’s like that in the begin…
“STOP TALKING WHEN I’M TALKING! I’M NOT GOING TO SAY IT AGAIN. IT’S DISRESPECTFUL, UNNECESSARY, AND FRANKLY IT’S REALLY PISSING ME OFF!…Thank you! You should really all be saying a big thank you to our sober drivers, who had to make multiple trips, and kept everyone safe. I heard that people were peeing on the bus. Do the guys do this? Yes, but they have equipment that we don’t, that allows them to like… aim… like into an empty water bottle or something. It’s still gross, but at least they’re not peeing on the floor. Children ride that bus to school the next day. Think about that. If you know you can’t hold it for a brief twenty minutes until we get to the venue, then don’t pregame so much. It’s as simple as that. With that said, I hope everyone had a good weekend, good luck studying for finals, and wear letters on Wednesday.”
“Housing…”
“No report”
Nice Move458
Respond
Veronica Ruckh
Veronica (@VeronicaRuckh) is the Director of Total Sorority Move for Grandex, Inc. After having spent her undergraduate years drinking $4 double LITs on a patio and drunk texting away potential suitors, she managed to graduate with an impressive GPA and an unimpressive engagement ring -- so unimpressive, in fact, some might say it's not there at all. Veronica has since been fulfilling her duties as "America's big," a title she gave to herself with the help of her giant ego. She has recently switched from vodka to wine on weekdays. Email her at [email protected]
@VeronicaRuckh
@VeronicaRuckh
vmruckh
