If you say you don’t love Ellen DeGeneres, you’re lying. She’s hilarious, she’s kind, and she brought us Sophia Grace and Rosie. What’s not to love? If you like dancing, philanthropy, humor, and nice people, you like Ellen. She’s the nicest person ever, but not in an annoying way, and that’s hard to pull off.
Love. Her. But in a normal way, which is more than two Binghamton students, Rachel Samuels and Jessica Shwarz, can say. The pair wants to be on The Ellen Show real bad. They figured their best shot was to create a sorority, Epsilon Delta, in Ellen’s honor. They made an ED paddle for Ellen, they made ED t-shirts, and they’ve named Ellen their ED little. If you hear “ED” and think “erectile dysfunction” before “Ellen DeGeneres,” you’re not alone, but I’m inclined to say Shwarz and Samuels did not think that one through.
I know, you thought that a hundred or so years ago a bunch of women sat around and thought about some values and traditions to instill in young women and that’s how sororities were formed, but that doesn’t necessarily have to be the case. All you need is the voice of a fish with Alzheimer’s to be your exemplar, and you can get it started! Let’s see how the girls got the ball rolling.
“The first thing we did was bedazzle our inhalers.”
Stella Perry, Alice Coleman, Eugenia Fitzgerald — that’s exactly what all these women did first when they were founding sororities of their very own. Next, they needed to incorporate some values.
“We took the idea of Greek life and implemented it with Ellen’s values: positivity, kindness and fun,”
The girls have every fact about Ellen memorized. They can recite her books, almost in their entirety, and are prepared to answer any questions about The Ellen Show (just like a real sorority!) which they’d like DeGeneres to ask them during the guest appearance they’re hoping for. After having some solid foundations, the girls set out to what all sorority girls do: recruit potential new members with a rush video!
“You know those crazy ideas you have with your friends? We went through with this one.”
They did it. They really did.
As a reward for bringing the new sorority to campus, the girls are hoping to have several lunches with their school’s president, Harvey Stenger, during which they’ll convince him to honor some of their requests.
“I’d like a statue of Ellen on campus, just something to bring fun to campus. This could be her big chance, we could get her an honorary degree.”
I can’t imagine SUNY Binghamton won’t put a statue of Ellen on its campus after this! And an honorary degree? They give those out to everyone! Even if the girls are unable to charter their “sorority,” or meet with their school’s president, or have a statue of DeGeneres erected (lol erected) on campus, if Ellen happens upon their video, there is no doubt in my mind that their dream to meet her will come true.
[via Pipe Dream]
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Veronica Ruckh
Veronica (@VeronicaRuckh) is the Director of Total Sorority Move for Grandex, Inc. After having spent her undergraduate years drinking $4 double LITs on a patio and drunk texting away potential suitors, she managed to graduate with an impressive GPA and an unimpressive engagement ring -- so unimpressive, in fact, some might say it's not there at all. Veronica has since been fulfilling her duties as "America's big," a title she gave to herself with the help of her giant ego. She has recently switched from vodka to wine on weekdays. Email her at [email protected]
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