I’m not a big Teen Mom fan, because those girls are beyond depressing, but in this new cycle of trashy fuck-ups one particular lady did catch my eye. Her name is Jenelle Evans and she is a standards-worthy shitshow on her way to starring in an even trashier porno than her MTV sister Farrah, especially now that she’s been arrested for heroin possession and assault.
Jenelle is always entertaining, because she’s “addicted to marijuana,” according to her mother and breakout star of the show, Babs. However, even a casual viewer is able to see that Jenelle’s addiction is something a little more sinister than the drug that makes people worship the Grateful Dead. As Cher Horowitz taught us, “It is one thing to spark up a doobie and get laced at parties, but it is quite another to be fried all day.”
Jenelle is beyond fried, she’s borderline brain dead. No offense to Babs, who makes the show worth watching, but Jenelle is one Ke$ha concert away from complete and total mental deterioration. It should come as a surprise to absolutely no one on planet Earth that Jenelle is into something harder than hippie lettuce. You just know that good, ol’ Babs is screaming, “Oh friggin cahrap! Jenelle was just arrested! Fah friggin heroin! Ah yah kiddin’ me?!”
This waste-of-space teen mom was also accused of beating up her brand new husband. Yes, you read that right, Jenelle is married, and you are still struggling to find a date for formal. I guess some girls have all the luck. She also had prescription drugs on her, as well as a glass pipe and papers to keep up with her hardcore addiction to Mary Jane.
Looks like girlfriend took her 4/20 celebration a little bit too far. Marijuana has obviously become her gateway drug to hell. Jenelle’s super classy hubby was arrested for fighting back when she attacked him with a piece of furniture, so they’ll always have prison. If this wildly unsurprising news flash teaches you anything, it should be that Jenelle Evans is more married than you. It should also be a reminder to take your birth control. No matter what mistakes you make, as long as you avoid getting knocked up and developing a heroin addiction by the age of 21, you’re golden.
Image via Examiner