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Teenager Caught Trying To Steal Bondage Gear From Spencer Gifts, Well That’s Embarrassing

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I was really hoping that all the Fifty Shades of Grey hype would die out by now, but alas, people still feel the need to beat the crap out of each other mid-coitus. I guess worse things have happened, and the whole BDSM thing is pretty harmless (to people outside of the act, obvi). Still, I miss the days when when people preferred kissing to whips and ugly leather contraptions. Ahh, good times.

A South Carolina teen has obviously not moved on from the idea, as she is facing theft charges for stealing a “restraint system” from a Spencer’s store. The teen, whose name I refuse to release because this whole debacle is already insanely embarrassing, was confronted by workers after leaving the store, where it was discovered that she also stole $84 worth of Victoria’s Secret lingerie. Police forced her to return all the items, and she then spent the night wallowing in shame in jail. But don’t feel too bad for her. She still wound up in the handcuffs she oh so desired.

It should probably be an unwritten rule that if you don’t have the funds and the humility to buy sex toys, you probably shouldn’t be using them in the first place. I’ll admit that I implemented a quick Google search on this “restraint system,” and the whole ordeal seemed very strange to me. Who wants to be tied down like that? There’s no room to flail.

Our frisky friend was released the next morning, and will probably spend the next week or so altering her appearance beyond recognition. I just hope her boyfriend knows how much she went through to spice things up in the bedroom. The things we do for love.

[via The Smoking Gun]

Image via Shutterstock

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Lucky Jo

Lucky Jo is a former and current TSM writer who likes her men how she likes her coffee: way too hot and unforgivably bitter. She graduated from the University of Missouri in 2016, proving that C's do in fact get degrees. She now spends her days working for a social media marketing agency, hiking with her dachshund, and trying to bring back the scrunchie. Hate mail and goat memes can be sent to lucyjmulvihill@gmail.com.

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