News

Teenager Caught Trying To Steal Bondage Gear From Spencer Gifts, Well That’s Embarrassing

Screen Shot 2015-09-09 at 8.54.06 AM

I was really hoping that all the Fifty Shades of Grey hype would die out by now, but alas, people still feel the need to beat the crap out of each other mid-coitus. I guess worse things have happened, and the whole BDSM thing is pretty harmless (to people outside of the act, obvi). Still, I miss the days when when people preferred kissing to whips and ugly leather contraptions. Ahh, good times.

A South Carolina teen has obviously not moved on from the idea, as she is facing theft charges for stealing a “restraint system” from a Spencer’s store. The teen, whose name I refuse to release because this whole debacle is already insanely embarrassing, was confronted by workers after leaving the store, where it was discovered that she also stole $84 worth of Victoria’s Secret lingerie. Police forced her to return all the items, and she then spent the night wallowing in shame in jail. But don’t feel too bad for her. She still wound up in the handcuffs she oh so desired.

It should probably be an unwritten rule that if you don’t have the funds and the humility to buy sex toys, you probably shouldn’t be using them in the first place. I’ll admit that I implemented a quick Google search on this “restraint system,” and the whole ordeal seemed very strange to me. Who wants to be tied down like that? There’s no room to flail.

Our frisky friend was released the next morning, and will probably spend the next week or so altering her appearance beyond recognition. I just hope her boyfriend knows how much she went through to spice things up in the bedroom. The things we do for love.

[via The Smoking Gun]

Image via Shutterstock

Email this to a friend

Lucky Jo

Lucky Jo is much less medicated than her mother and sister, and she tends to think that’s a good thing. She's the newest full-time addition to the Grandex office, which is probably why they gave her the shittiest desk. In her free time she enjoys scaring small children, judging her peers, and condescendingly talking to GDIs at Starbucks. Follow her on twitter for cat memes and complaints. Email her at lucy@grandex.co.

0 Comments You must log in to comment, or create an account

For More Photos and Content

Latest podcasts

Download Our App

Take TSM with you. Get

New Stories

Load More