So, two frat boys, an amateur photographer, a budding entrepreneur, an aspiring nurse, and a stripper walk into an immigrant smuggling ring. But actually…in November, two Kappa Sigmas from Texas A&M-Corpus Christi were discovered for having entered a smuggling operation in order to pay their ways through college. They got caught. I’m inclined to say there are other ways.
On his first long trip, smuggling six undocumented immigrants over the border by himself, Jake Woerner, 23, was pulled over for speeding, at which time he was immediately investigated for his felony. Needless to say, it was poor planning on the part of his superior to allow him to go through with his first smuggle by his lonesome. Nervous, Woerner confessed that there was an entire operation being run from Houston. He implicated the other participants, one of whom was his fraternity brother Stephen Sluyter who also cooperated with police. Their full story is here. Because he complied with officials, Woerner was not given a prison sentence, but was put on a probation, during which he won’t be allowed to vote. He’ll also never be able to carry a firearm again. These are minor problems, of course, when compared to the fear of the impending wrath of the operation’s leader.
Now, the biggest scandal in my sorority occurred when a girl had sex on the bus ride home from a mixer. The second biggest is when the former president and I had it out, because she thought I was a drug-dealer when she found the leftover Vicodin from my nose job wisdom teeth. Both kept my sisters buzzing for weeks, maybe months. Apparently, dealing drugs and public sex are “PR issues.” I can’t imagine how an e-board filled with twenty-year-old girls who say “like” too much would have dealt with real shit, like an immigrant-smuggling operation. Kappa Sigma reacted by attempting to stop the school paper from publishing the story, which is now becoming a whole rigamarole of its own.
The editor of the article, Ashley Dychman, sounds like a real pill. The brothers, aside from trying to save face, were also literally trying to save lives and protect the safety of their now alumni, on the not-so-off chance that their ringleaders are pissed off and seeking vengeance. The paper went to press, though the fraternity attempted to stop its publication, and collect as many copies as possible off the shelves.
In some fucked up twist of fate, the fraternity is now in trouble, being investigated on the “tactics” used to handle the situation, because isn’t that just the way. Dychman claims she was harassed and threatened, because a member of Kappa Sigma, and I quote, “aggressively passed [her] and stuck his middle finger up.” Boo fucking hoo. Little other detail is given about this alleged harassment. I imagine there were a few nasty emails. Maybe someone even called her a bitch. But for the most part, they just explained that their brothers’ names were under federal protection, whether that’s true or not (it turned out to be, umm, not), and interfered with and delayed publication. This is a school paper, folks. Not the NY Times.
A passive aggressive…aggressive word from Woerner himself:
“Thank you for endangering my life,” Woerner wrote. “I’m sure my family won’t be upset if I’m found in a barrel of acid for rolling on an organization that I was barely a part of for just one week of my life.”
[via Express News, Express News]
Image via Red Alert Politics
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Veronica Ruckh
Veronica (@VeronicaRuckh) is the Director of Total Sorority Move for Grandex, Inc. After having spent her undergraduate years drinking $4 double LITs on a patio and drunk texting away potential suitors, she managed to graduate with an impressive GPA and an unimpressive engagement ring -- so unimpressive, in fact, some might say it's not there at all. Veronica has since been fulfilling her duties as "America's big," a title she gave to herself with the help of her giant ego. She has recently switched from vodka to wine on weekdays. Email her at [email protected]
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