Texting 24/7 Isn’t Natural And We Should Maybe Stop Doing It


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Nice Move

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Pretty much everyone spends most of their time staring at their phones these days. It’s hard to say it, but it’s true. I won’t pretend that I’m an angel who stays off the grid, because I definitely spend a lot of time thinking of tweets that will exploit the dumb shit my friends say without exposing their identities on Twitter. Still, I think a lot of people don’t understanding the concept of portion control when it comes to dividing their time between engaging in meaningful conversations and stalking their trashy second cousins on Facebook. Whatever. I’ve said my piece, spoken out against virtually charged zombies, and even tried to turn avoiding our phones into a drinking game with my close pals. You know it’s a lost cause when even alcohol can’t convince people to, as philosophers and vegans alike would say, “live in the now.” I officially give up.

HOWEVER. Before I leave the matter to die along with my failed hope of merely imagining what the top of my friends’ heads look like, I would like to dispel one more notion. Texting a guy–or anyone, for that matter– all goddamn day is not natural, and we really need to cut the shit.

I mean, really, who started this in the first place? Who decided she wanted to be glued to a keyboard asking her boyfriend about how he feels about everything all day long, and then told everyone it was the norm so that she would look like less of a psycho? I’m going to put a bounty on this chick’s head, so I can shake her by the shoulders and tell her what we all need to realize: there is no one, aside from your mother and whatever crazed stalkers you have acquired over the years, who honestly gives a shit what you are doing all day long. Don’t let this hurt your feelings. Think about it this way: do you genuinely care what any of your friends or potential love interests are up to every second of the day? No. You don’t. And why should you? Worry about you, and realize that he needs to do the same for himself. You can function without knowing what he had for lunch. I promise.

We also need to realize that the concept of texting as your main form of communication will basically turn your relationship into a charade. You can’t get to know someone through texting– not really. Every time you get a text, you take a few minutes to decide what you want to say back. In real life, you can’t just stare blankly at a person and create a two minute awkward silence while you think of how you should respond. You have to respond right away, and probably end up saying the dorkiest thing possible because that’s who you are as a human being. You shouldn’t be congregating around your phone with all your friends deciding what to respond to this guy; you should be in a bar asking him if he likes potatoes so he knows exactly how delightfully weird you are.

Another thing that continues to perplex me is when girls text a dude all day long, and then go hang out with him at night. Could someone please tell me what the fuck they even talk about if they’ve been communicating their every move and thought since 9 A.M.? Do they have to Google conversation topics? How are they not sick of speaking to one another? Don’t tell me they’re in love. Love is not a Get Out Of Jail Free card for people who are legitimately addicted to each other. It’s time that clingy girlfriends everywhere realize that taking time away from talking to your boyfriend can only be a good thing. It will make you genuinely excited to see him at the end of the day, and probably help you appreciate your time together that much more. Absence may not make the heart grow fonder, but it will probably make you grow hornier.

I think it’s probably true that a lot of girls use texting as a means of keeping tabs on their men. I don’t even have the time or energy to explain how stupid this is. Your boyfriend isn’t a fucking goldfish who’s going to forget you exist if you don’t remind him every three minutes. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: If your boyfriend is going to cheat on you, he’s going to cheat on you– not because you didn’t give him the time of day, but because cheaters are life ruiners and that’s what they do. Messaging him every three seconds to inquire about his whereabouts and who he’s with isn’t going to change that, and you’re going to drive yourself nuts trying to scare him into loyalty.

At the end of the day, I don’t think I’ll ever figure out why texting has replaced spoken conversations in relationships. Maybe it’s because texting can be a buffer of sorts when you first start talking to a guy, as typing thought-out messages make you look so much more suave than you actually are. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that written messages are so concrete, and you can refer back to your conversation as many times as you want because it’s all saved in your phone. Maybe it’s because it takes so little effort, and we’re all just lazy as fuck.

Whatever the reason, I think it’s time we backtrack to the days our parents won’t stop comparing our shitty generation to. Take a day to limit the amount of messages you send him, and focus on really being with him when he’s there. It’s time to stop ignoring your friends by staring at your phone every second. It’s time you let him carry on with his day while you carry on with yours, and trust that you both are good enough people to remember what you mean to each other. It’s time to break up with your boyfriend’s phone and start dating the guy behind it.

Lucky Jo is much less medicated than her mother and sister, and she tends to think that’s a good thing. She's the newest full-time addition to the Grandex office, which is probably why they gave her the shittiest desk. In her free time she enjoys scaring small children, judging her peers, and condescendingly talking to GDIs at Starbucks. Follow her on twitter for cat memes and complaints. Email her at lucy@grandex.co.

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