That Time My Hookup Had A Nosebleed All Over Me


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Nice Move


It was just your average Friday and as always I was ready to have a good night. My favorite fraternity was having a party and of course, I wouldn’t pass that up. I spent my usual two hours getting ready and throwing back a couple of shots in preparation for my big night out. After rounding up my drunken roommates (because for some reason I’m always the responsible one despite my BAC level) we find our Uber and head to the party.

I walk in and I’m immediately greeted by a handful of brothers. Ah, nothing like your favorite fraternity welcoming you home. They treated me like royalty as soon as I walked in the door, and I didn’t even have to ask for a pledge to bring me a drink. As soon as I get a drink in my hand, I take my spot on the metaphorical fraternity throne: the DJ booth. Naturally, I find the aux chord and steal it for a little bit because my Soundcloud game is too strong.

That’s when I see one of the newer members by the speaker and say hi. As of that moment, I was quite a few shot deep and at that point, all filters I have were gone. I tell him that I always thought he was hot and that I thought I would end up hooking up with him. As I turn around to go find the nearest keg to fill up my empty cup, he says, “So why don’t we?”

It was at that moment that I knew exactly whom I’d be sleeping with that night. I continued walking away because I’m obviously worth him going after.

One thing leads to another and next thing I know we are walking hand in hand back to my place. On the way home he stops at every “fun” location to make out. I just wanted to get home because my feet were hurting like no other and I didn’t really care to make out on our school’s mascot anymore. Eventually, we get back to my house and I bring him straight to my room. And this is where I realize I have the worst luck in the history of mankind. Okay, that’s a little dramatic, but still.

About ten minutes into making out in my bed, he stops.

“I think my nose is bleeding,” he says.

Kind of confused, I reach over to turn on a light and see that he wasn’t kidding. This kid had blood all over his face. I get up to see that the damn Texas Chainsaw Massacre had occurred all over my bed. It looked like someone had been violently murdered because of how much blood was everywhere. I wasn’t that pissed at that point because I was still decently fucked up. I go to the bathroom to find some hydrogen peroxide because there was no way in hell I was letting his nose issues stain my beloved sheets.

I look up into the mirror and see I have blood all over my face too. This is when I got mad. Someone else’s blood was on my face and I had never felt like I needed to shower more in my life.

I strip the bed of all the blood and start scrubbing. Naked hot dude just looks at me and keeps saying sorry. Meanwhile, I’m on a mission to getting my sheets clean like the responsible adult I am. After what feels like an hour of scrubbing, I throw everything in the wash and return back to my room. He asks if he should leave and obviously I say no. I didn’t just scrub the living shit out of my sheets to go to bed alone.

So we have sex on the floor to avoid the murder scene and go to sleep.

Did I ever talk to the guy again? Yes. Did I get all the blood out of my sheets? No. Will I ever have sex with this kid again? Probably. Just next time I’ll bring some tissues.

Image via Shutterstock


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