The 11 Types Of Sororities, By Rank


Email this to a friend

Nice Move

The Top

The Top

The Ones Who Win Everything
Everyone hates this sorority for the same reason everyone hates the Yankees. They’re the best. They always win. Did they “buy” their winnings when they spent $3000 more on their LipSync competition than everyone else did? Maybe. But they still won. Just like they win everything — Greek Week, Homecoming floats, some random chapter’s boring ass philanthropy, they won it. And they cheered for it — oh, how they cheered. Their chant is like nails on their chalkboard, but maybe it’s just because you’re tired of hearing their name.

The Blondes
This needs very little explanation. We live in a society that loves blondes, and no matter how many “Brunettes > Blondes” tweets go out, that’s not going to change. That’s why everyone with brown hair kind of hates their blonde friends a little bit. I don’t know what it is, because I’m not a part of the secret blonde club, but they feel some kind of bond with other blondes, and eventually, there is a house full of them. Are they prettier? They might be. But as every bitter brunette knows, it might just be their hair that makes them stand out.

The One Riding On An Old Reputation
They’re top tier, but like, once a week you see a girl who’s like borderline deformed wearing their letters, and you’re just like….what the hell is happening? Perhaps they have a huge ass kitchen to hide, like, half the chapter in, or perhaps PC ‘06 was just like, SO fucking awesome that they never lived it down. Lucky them.

The Stepford Wives
Also known as the tryhard sorority, these girls are unbearable, but have a decent reputation. They bake shit. They wear, like, headbands. And they use the word “classy” in real life. Their standards chair has more on her plate than their social chair, because they’re so obsessed with keeping a pristine reputation so that they might eventually move up in the Greek ranks, or at least so they never fall.

Veronica (@VeronicaRuckh) is the Director of Total Sorority Move for Grandex, Inc. After having spent her undergraduate years drinking $4 double LITs on a patio and drunk texting away potential suitors, she managed to graduate with an impressive GPA and an unimpressive engagement ring -- so unimpressive, in fact, some might say it's not there at all. Veronica has since been fulfilling her duties as "America's big," a title she gave to herself with the help of her giant ego. She has recently switched from vodka to wine on weekdays. Email her at

More From Veronica Ruckh »


You must be logged in to comment. Log in or create an account.

Click to Read Comments (6)