TSM
1. Cat: You don’t care about Halloween as much as you care about Instagram likes and getting laid. You know that your costume, and you, are totally basic. But when you look hot AF, who really cares?
2. Nurse: Oh you want to help people? You want to seem like a good girl? Lies. The only thing you want to help is the guy you’ve had a crush on take off his pants. Buy hey, at least you’re the one taking care of him.
3. School Girl: Possibly the most slutty of the costumes, this one isn’t even trying to be clever. You own every Naked palette. You triple text guys. You say “like” like, a lot. Still, with all of the eyes on you, it doesn’t matter that you wont get the award for “most original” when you’re most likely to get an A+ on your oral assignment.
4. Witch: Bitch. That’s all. You’re just probably a bitch.
5. Vampire: The vampire is a step above witch. You’re a bit freakier in the bedroom, and you’re down to wear fangs and fake contacts. You want to seem “different,” but honestly, your goal at the end of the night is the same as everyone else’s: to suck the life, love, and single relationship status out of some poor victim guy.
6. Cop Or Robber: You wanted an excuse to use handcuffs. That’s it. You wanted to have hot, erotic sex with either a criminal or a man of power. Respect.
7. Kylie Jenner: Dressing up like Kylie isn’t a choice. It’s a necessity. If you felt the need to overline your lips and sport a green wig, it’s not so much that you wanted this as your costume. You want this to be your life. Everyone wants to make fun of you, but honestly? If it works for Kylie, it might just work for you.
8. Any Celebrity In General: Again, if you dress up like a celebrity, it’s basically like saying you hate your own life. You watch the Kardashians like it’s your job. You get every new iPhone the second it comes out. Taken some “model” pictures for your Instagram? Of course you have. Still, for one night, you feel like a star, and that’s all that matters.
9. A Loofa (With Your Bar Of Soap Boyfriend): Let’s cut the shit: You’re a nice girl, who sort of wanted to act like a slut. But let’s be real: You’ve had a boyfriend forever and you sometimes volunteer for fun. Enjoy your homemade costume, and the boy you pussywhipped into dressing up like a bar of soap. Everyone might hate on you, but whatever. You’re the one with a boyfriend and a sparkly clean resume.
10. Sugar Skull: Do you care about Mexican culture? Do you want to honor your deceased loved ones? Do you want to make everyone realize just how much you care about other people? LOL no, probably not. You want to put the thousands of dollars you’ve spent at Sephora, and the countless hours you’ve spent watching tutorials to use. In the real world people would make fun of you. But in the Halloween world? You’re envied by all with shaky hands and zero artistic abilities.
11. A Pumpkin: You’re either a HIMYM fan, or you’re lazy. Either way, it’s respectful. Being a pumpkin is cute. Being a pumpkin is flirty. Being a pumpkin ensures some cute guy will talk to you and want to have little pumpkin babies with you. And the worst part is? It’ll totally work. Something about dressing up as a cute gourd makes guys want to wife you up. Don’t hate the pumpkin, hate the game.
12. Magician And Rabbit: You like the idea of being able to control a guy (respect), and you’re totally down for being his cute sidekick. Bonus points if your BF is the one in the bunny costume (insert whip noise here).
13. Literally Any Superhero: For one night you want to pretend that your superpowers don’t include ringing up an absurd balance on your credit card and drunk texting your ex.
14. Clown: Everyone hates you. But it’s okay. Considering that bitch face is your lifestyle, and being a clown is ironic because you’re an actual mean person, it works. In a creepy, messed up sort of way.
15. Devil And Angel: It doesn’t matter if you choose to be the devil or the angel. Either way, they both say the same thing: that you want to do something heavenly that just might send you straight to hell. Ah well. Such is the life of a sexy sinner.
16. Pirate: Something about rugged men who grab for booty makes you hot and bothered, and honestly, who can blame you? You still want to be sexy, but you’re not afraid to be a little rough. Throw on a corset and grab a fake sword and you’re ready to, well, grab a different kind of sword.
17. Sailor: Halloween is whatever to you. You knew you’d have to go out, but you’re not about to spend $50 on feathers at Hobby Lobby to look creative. You have a striped shirt. You buy a hat. And if anyone gives you shit about your lame costume, you’re not afraid to give them a piece of your mind. And yes, you do in fact swear like a sailor.
18. Harry Potter Character: I know, I know. You just want some guy to slither into your chamber of secrets. You’re the fascinating mix of being basic AF, and being a total nerd. While everyone else was busy Keeping Up With The Kardashians, you were staying up until midnight to read the next installment of a wizard kid’s life. People can make fun but it’s cool. You’ll just avada kedavra their asses.
19. Disney Princess: No one has ever not been a Disney Princess. Some of us got it out of our systems when we were children. Others decided to do it when they’re college students and turn every princess from a lady to a beast.
20. Any Mean Girls Characters: You can’t help that you’re so basic.
21. Fruit: A banana. An apple. A whole bushel of grapes. You’re healthy. You’re silly. You don’t want to be like everyone else. Chances are you know a thing or two about sports, and would rather make people laugh than make them have boners. The worst part is, these are usually the people with best costumes in the game. Nothing is more annoying that losing to a piece of healthy fruit.
22. Wine: I mean, you are what you drink. #Respect
23. Hobo: Sure it’s slightly offensive, but hey, so are you. Chances are you’re sort of lazy and didn’t really think much about what to be this year. You and a few friends decided to smudge some makeup on your faces and create makeshift yet slight seductive signs. At the end of the night, you sure wont be homeless thanks to your revealing outfit and low standards.
24. Mermaid: Let me guess, you have saltwater in your veins and sand in your hair? Okay. Your legs are actually a tail? Right. Honestly? You most likely worked out like a beast this past year, finally have abs, and want to show them off. Sure, everyone hates on you, but at the end of the day you’re the one with the bangin’ bod and luscious mermaid hair.
25. TFM and TSM: Okay. We’ll let this one slide.
Cheers to great costumes, bad decisions, and hangovers we’ll never forget thanks to a night we’ll never remember..
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