The 4 Phases Of Helping Your BFF Through A Terrible On Again And Off Again Relationship


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It’s hard to be yanked around by some guy, but sometimes it’s even harder to be the best friend of a girl being yanked around by some guy. She consistently comes to you for thoughtful advice, which you always give her, and she consistently ignores it. Experiencing their roller coaster relationship by association puts you on a roller coaster of your own.

Phase 1: Compassion

The original breakup is earth-shattering. You are there with open arms and open ears as your friend bitches about how much he sucks. You know better than to say anything bad about him in the off chance that they get back together, so you start talking about how much fun the two of you are going to have together to get her mind off of the negatives. She is clearly hurt and unable to help herself, so you vow that from now on you will hold all the hate against him that she won’t be able to on her own.

Phase 2: Concern

He did it again. He fucked up. You hate to say “I told you so,” so you just imply it. He clearly did not learn his lesson, but you are hoping that she learned hers. This time you are a little more firm with her. If she doesn’t get a reality check, she could get sucked further into the vortex of poor treatment.

Phase 3: Annoyance

This is the third or fourth time that they have broken up and gotten back together. You’re not really sure whose fault it is anymore, but you are firmly planted on your friend’s side. Your empathy has turned to irritation, and you find yourself yelling at her. You are up at night trying to figure out why she keeps doing this to herself. She is your world and that’s what she deserves. You can’t look him in the face even though you still have to be civil towards him. You take on the fiery vendetta that your love-crazed friend refuses.

Phase 4: Indifference

Okay, that’s it. You are SO sick of listening to her whine. You have said everything you could to make her feel better and steer her in the right track, and she has deliberated ignored all of it. You have exhausted yourself trying to be there for her. How many times can you say/scream/whisper/suggest/reprimand/vocalize that the guy she wastes her time on is a complete and utter jackass. At this point, you don’t ask anymore. You don’t get surprised when she tells you the news. You’ve gotten off of your roller coaster, and you are waiting apathetically for her to get off hers. Of course you still care about her, but you now realize that she needs to be the one who saves herself.

A born and raised Jersey girl, she can always be found covered in sand and pizza sauce. Her personal brand is "that girl." She prefers wine in bottles because she thinks outside of the box. Send fan mail to or by smoke signal.

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