As a freshman, I spent 99 percent of my time in my dorm room vacuuming because I was an unsocial loser with a boyfriend. When I became a single lady, I essentially moved into the bars on campus. Thus, I became an expert on the different kinds of “men” you meet in bars. Here is what my tequila fueled research has helped me discover.
Mr. “I Could Be Super Cute And Fun, But My Head Is On The Table Before 11 Every Time I Go Out.”
I have learned to love this guy. He is the kinda guy that you hang out with the entire time at a date party and the next day goes, “Oh my God were you there last night? I think it was fun I can’t remember anything!” Getting mad at this person for not remembering is a rookie mistake. Make friends with this idiot, have him buy you drinks when he’s blackout. He’s a pal, a source of entertainment and if the two of you drunkenly make out because, what the hell he’s hot, he won’t remember so you still have a friend in him.
Mr. “I Am Going To Kiss You In Front Of Everyone In This Bar If It’s The Last Thing I Do.”
We have all seen this guy and interacted with him at some point in time. Sometimes he’s hot and in a great fraternity, but sometimes you’re not even sure if he’s young enough to be a grad student. This kind of guy both sucks and rocks. Once I stood at a bar talking to my best friend, when an acquaintance of mine from class approached. He’s fairly hot, in a good house, and the three of us were all getting along great. Until the most horrifying moment: I looked down at my phone briefly only to find the two of them smashed against the wall, basically licking each other’s faces. Dear best friend, I forgive you for this moment, but seeing your tongue in action like that was something even one hundred tequila shots won’t help me forget. Gross. On the other hand, when it’s me, I have zero complaints and could have cared less who was grossed out by my behavior, because OMG DID YOU SEE THAT HOT LAMBDA KISS ME?!
Mr. “I Literally Would Tell You That I Love You To Avoid Going Home Alone Tonight.”
There are no two ways about this: this guy is the worst. He’s probably the most annoying person at the bar. One of my favorite “compliments” from this kinda guy went like this, “Did you ever go the orthodontist when you were young? Do you remember his number? I need to call him and thank him for your smile.” Yikes.
This man is easy to hate, but easy to fall for. He is basically that fourth margarita: looks so beautiful, tastes so good, but makes you so nauseous and really ends up not being worth it.
Mr. “I Make Eye Contact With You Every Night At The Bar, But I Probably Won’t Ever Speak To You.”
I love this person. He is the most beautiful human I have ever laid eyes on. He winked at me one time and I nearly peed my pants. This guy is confusing though. He presents quite the predicament. You either can wink and stare at this super sexy human, or you could actually speak to him while running the risk of finding out he’s actually a slimy and gross. I decided to end my semester by meeting my guy. He turned out to be pretty average. I would definitely still kiss him..