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The 50 Best Things About Being Single

1. You never have to give blow jobs.

2. You don’t have to check in with anyone.

3. Your “really funny” Sunday stories don’t end with “…and we fell asleep BEFORE our cheese fries even got there!”

4. Guys tell you you’re pretty because you are…not because they have to.

5. No one is comfortable enough with you that he talks about his bowel movements.

6. You only have one set of laundry to do.

7. You can flirt with that really hot guy over there without feeling guilty.

8. You can give that really hot guy over there your number without feeling guilty.

9. You can make out with that really hot guy over there without feeling guilty.

10. Sex is never a chore.

11. You never have to explain why you’re having a girls’ night out.

12. No one argues with you about having a gay bestie.

13. You don’t get unnecessarily angry and jealous of some average-looking girl for…existing.

14. No one makes their problems your problems.

15. You don’t have to feel embarrassed by someone else’s immature behavior.

16. Or by his unfunny jokes.

17. You don’t have to smile and chit chat with anyone’s mom about some boring shit like in-season produce.

18. You don’t feel guilty denying a guy’s request to do something weird in the boudoir if he’s not your boyfriend.

19. You never get into stupid arguments with anyone.

20. Buying boys presents is impossible. You don’t have to do it.

21. You don’t have to awkwardly avoid the inquisition about him from your mom and aunts.

22. You never have to pretend to care about a sporting event.

23. You have at least a month before you have to give up the illusion that new guys you meet are flawless. With a boyfriend that illusion is LONG gone.

24. Being a woo girl is awesome.

25. Boring “let’s just cuddle and watch a movie” nights almost never describe your weekends.

26. “Settling down” sounds alarmingly similar to “settling.”

27. You never get that “ugh…..I have a boyfriend” feeling when you meet a new, great guy.

28. You can go anywhere in the world and do anything with your life without worrying how it will affect someone else.

29. If you want to take too many shots and go skinny-dipping with your neighbors, that’s your prerogative.

30. You don’t have to explain every interaction you have with a male to ensure your boyfriend’s self-esteem is at a place where he’s manageable.

31. Your friends don’t tell you that they never see you any more.

32. You’re not glued to your phone.

33. You’re the only person who’s ever seen your period panties.

34. You never have to soberly use the bathroom at a frat house.

35. There’s no secret competition with his siblings’ significant others to see who will be his parents’ favorite couple.

36. Single guys trim the man trunk.

37. You can gain five pounds and it only affects you.

38. You don’t have to hide your wedding board on Pinterest.

39. You’re never the buzzkill who wants to go home early.

40. Spring Break. Period.

41. You never have that “do I love him or am I just comfortable” internal debate.

42. You aren’t co-dependent.

43. Your friends all like you…you can never say the same about a guy.

44. Girls in relationships are less spontaneous.

45. Semen is disgusting.

46. Boyfriends get mad when they find out you talk to your friends about their penis. Not-boyfriends just don’t find out.

47. The crazy gene starts acting up more when you’re in a relationship.

48. You never have to witness a guy have feelings.

49. The only person you have to dress is yourself.

50. You don’t have to give a damn about anyone who isn’t you.

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Veronica Ruckh

Veronica (@VeronicaRuckh) is the Director of Total Sorority Move for Grandex, Inc. After having spent her undergraduate years drinking $4 double LITs on a patio and drunk texting away potential suitors, she managed to graduate with an impressive GPA and an unimpressive engagement ring -- so unimpressive, in fact, some might say it's not there at all. Veronica has since been fulfilling her duties as "America's big," a title she gave to herself with the help of her giant ego. She has recently switched from vodka to wine on weekdays. Email her at veronica@grandex.co

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