1. The Pregame While You Get Ready
It starts with a shower beer. Then a mixed drink while you do your makeup. Before you know it, you’re semi-shitfaced and attempting to construct a cat eye without looking like Amy Winehouse. Drinking while preparing for a night out is messy, but oh, so much fun. At this point, you’ve pretty much nailed how to pull yourself together while drinking. The only major difference in how you look after getting ready sober versus drunk is that you wind up looking ten times sluttier when you’ve been boozing. Don’t be fooled; there is a direct correlation between how much you’ve had to drink and how whorish your outfit/makeup combo turns out.
2. The Accidental Pregame
Nothing says “college” like realizing that you’re too drunk not to keep the party going. Who can blame you? Sometimes, after a long day, it’s easy to lose track of how many happy juices you’ve tossed back. Once you surpass a certain point, you basically have no option other than roping your roommate into another bottle and a night full of shenanigans. She’ll definitely oblige, because why should you get to have all the fun? Accidental drunks are a force to be reckoned with, because anything goes when you were buzzed before you even managed to get your leggings off. These are usually the most dangerous nights. Proceed with caution.
3. The Pregame So Lame It Ruins Your Night
The whole point of a pregame is to start your night on the right note, but this pregame just happens to be so dreadfully boring that the prospect of going out has basically lost all appeal. Maybe the music is terrible, or the company is subpar. Whatever made it so unbearable is basically killing your buzz, and you come out of the situation feeling just as sober (if not more) than before you started drinking. It’s then that you fake a stomach ache and return to your house to eat some half-drunk grub and watch a movie by yourself.
4. The Anxious Pregame
For whatever reason, you’re dreading the night ahead of you. Maybe you know your ex will be at the same party, maybe you’re afraid of tomorrow’s hangover because of an early class, or maybe you’ve recently come to terms with the fact that you need to slow your role before college is over and your binge drinking is no longer a socially acceptable hobby. Whatever your reasoning, the anxious pregame is sure to result in a night of bad decisions that will make great stories in a week or two, after you’ve overcome the sheer embarrassment of cornering your ex’s new girl in the bathroom. It’s best to vocalize whatever fear you’re hoarding to those around you, not because expressing your feelings is healthy, but because the more you talk, the less you drink.
5. The Hasty Pregame
The hasty pregame is a result of your inability to manage time. You probably took too long of a nap or failed to X out of Netflix before it sucked you into another three episodes of whatever God awful show you’re currently wasting your life away with. Despite your rush to prepare for the night ahead of you, you’ve managed to reserve a solid ten or so minutes to establish a buzz before you leave the house. This means you’ll end up standing next to your kitchen counter, alternating between vodka and soda like a washed-up freshman in a fraternity basement. It’s best to have a friend with you, not only for encouragement, but also to hold your hair when you inevitably puke in the bathroom an hour after the night really starts.
6. The Pregame Turned Party
Potentially the most common among us old-timers, the pregame turned party is arguably the most fun type of pregame. There’s nothing better than getting all dolled up, downing some Pinot Grigio, and realizing that you’d rather continue to drink in the comfort of your own home with people you actually like. The drunker you get on your impossibly comfortable couch, the more you realize how much of a hassle it is to first find transportation, and then show up to a bar filled with drunk strangers and spend enough money to provoke an angry phone call from your mother the next morning. It’s just not worth the hassle, especially when your bed and the neighbor boy both have oh so much potential..
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Lucky Jo
Lucky Jo is a former and current TSM writer who likes her men how she likes her coffee: way too hot and unforgivably bitter. She graduated from the University of Missouri in 2016, proving that C's do in fact get degrees. She now spends her days working for a social media marketing agency, hiking with her dachshund, and trying to bring back the scrunchie. Hate mail and goat memes can be sent to [email protected].
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