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The Bachelor Weekly Standings: Week 8

The final four all get sent home this week. Don’t worry, Nick goes with them so that their whole family can judge them on camera. Let’s see how our ladies did this week.


Still In The Game

Corrine, 24, business owner, Miami, FL

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Performance This Week: Corinne did the most Corinne thing possible and brought him to the bougiest mall of all time. She gets plastered in the dressing room while he tries on all of the yuppie outfits her heart could dream of. After she buys the both of them crazy expensive stuff, Nick just sweats at lunch thinking about how ridiculous it is that a plain gray shirt is $1000. Corinne forces “I love you” out of her mouth, and then it’s time to head to her penthouse. Finally, we are introduced to Raquel, who is an angel on Earth. She still serves them every meal despite being “part of the family.” Her dad is literally a cartoon character from The Bronx, and while he and Corinne talk, Nick has a heart-to-heart with Raquel, who apparently has not had any English lessons in the last 17 years that she’s been “part of the family.” After a fun night together, Raquel clears the dinner table while the rest of the family watch Nick and Corinne kiss out the window.

Odds: 1/10

Rachel, 31, attorney, Dallas, TX

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Performance This Week: Rachel brings Nick to church. It must have been halfway through the service, because the choir is turned all the way up while they shuffle into their seats. They’re worried that people are staring because he’s the only white guy, which he is, but it’s probably because they are so late. Don’t worry though, the pastor makes him feel comfortable by calling him out in front of everyone and letting him know that he better not fuck up (just paraphrasing). Rachel’s dad couldn’t make it, which Nick is “bummed” about, but he probably has breathed for the first time since showing up. There are a ton of people when she shows up, including a white guy, who is a future mall Santa and a gaping asshole. He interrogates him about Rachel being black, as does his mother. He survives the grilling and actually gives respectable answers.

Odds: 1/1,000,000

Raven, 25, fashion boutique owner, Hoxie, AR

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Performance This Week: Raven kicks off her hometown date with what looks to be my own personal hell. Muddin’ is on the top of my list of activities to never ever do. Then they lay in the swamp water and make out??? Vomit-enducing. Raven “plays a prank” on Nick and has her cop brother to half-ass sneak up on then on the longest dirt road in America and pretend to give them a hard time until revealing his true identity. Comedy gold. That night, Raven’s mom reveals that her dad is cancer-free, and all Nick can think to do is clap. Raven doesn’t tell Nick she loves him, which makes her think that she doesn’t have a chance anymore.

Odds: 1/5

Vanessa, 29, special education teacher, Montreal, Quebec, Canada

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Performance This Week: Vanessa takes Nick to her classroom of adult special needs classroom, and they are the sweetest things in the world. They help make a scrapbook of their six week relationship, which is mainly just pictures of them making out. Then Vanessa lets Nick know that he has to meet her mom’s side and then her dad’s side because they are divorced. So he gets to go to work and then her divorced parents’ houses. Best day ever! First stop, her big insane Italian family. Everyone just cries and it’s just a dramatic mess. Also, none of them have the same accent which is really confusing. When they show up to his dad’s house, it’s just him and what I’m assuming is her stepmom. There is yet another undetectable accent coming from her dad. He calls him out for being a total bullshitter by asking 4 different dads to marry their daughters, but eventually gives it to him anyway. But Vanessa gets upset that she asked all of the dads. FOR THE BILLIONTH TIME, HAS SHE NEVER SEEN THE SHOW?!

Odds: 1/5


Eliminated This Week

No one. Ugh, this season is draaaaaaaagging on.

Fill up your wine glasses, fill out your brackets, and see you all next week.

Images via ABC, florianheger

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Ali Hin

A born and raised Jersey girl, she can always be found covered in sand and pizza sauce. Her personal brand is "that girl." She prefers wine in bottles because she thinks outside of the box. Send fan mail to sratbroTSM@gmail.com or by smoke signal.

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