Ugh, CURSE THE BACHELOR PRODUCERS FOR MAKING US WAIT A WEEK TO SEE THE SECOND HALF OF THIS FINLAND SNOREFEST. We’re so close to the end. Let’s see how our ladies did over these two weeks.
Still In The Game
Raven, 25, fashion boutique owner, Hoxie, AR
Performance This Week: Ok, this date literally so boring to watch. It was just, like, a good date with the weakest dialogue imaginable. Then at dinner, she just draaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagged on and finally told Nick she loves him. Like, we get it you never say that and your ex had a small penis or whatever. So they have sex and there is a montage of her skipping around about finally having an orgasm. The whole date, and the whole season really, there isn’t much visible chemistry between them. He is clearly attracted to her, but that seems to be about it. However, she has never been left as one of the final people waiting for a rose.
Vanessa, 29, special education teacher, Montreal, Quebec, Canada
Performance This Week: First Vanessa had to throw up everywhere, and now she is forced to jump in and out of an ice bath. Luckily, they found themselves a hot tub to confront each other in. There is a very stiff awkwardness between them. It’s like they know it’s not going to work out before it even starts. However, from what he has been saying all season, Vanessa is a strong woman who challenges him and is willing to work together, so things are looking like they are in her favor. They are the most honest with each other and they are the only ones who actually talk about what is going to happen after the show. Vanessa tells Nick she loves him after they talk about more serious stuff, and although they are so similar, I think that they might try to make it work.
Corrine, 24, business owner, Miami, FL
Reason For Elimination: The producers finally let Nick get rid of her.
Rachel, 31, attorney, Dallas, TX
Performance This Week: Rachel, the most athletic contestant possibly ever, fell all over on cross country skiing, proving that nobody should ever have to do that bullshit. Nick said something vaguely racist, and then they rode on a sled that looked like it was used to haul off bodies during the black plague. Rachel tells Nick she is falling so him, and he says it back. Which is exciting, but we all know what is about to happen.
Reason For Elimination: She’s the next Bachelorette, duh.
Fill up your wine glasses, fill out your brackets, and see you all next week..