The Back To School Shopping List Of Your Dreams


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Nice Move


On my recent weekly crawl through Target, I took a wrong turn by the wine and found myself planted directly in the home and décor section of the megastore. Except, not really. What had once been dominated by ugly rugs and sad ottomans meant for yuppies had now become a collection of neon plastic containers, cheap lamps, and inspirational quotes indicative of a college dorm room. There, in the middle of the aisle, I blatantly shuddered and proceeded to run toward the makeup section. Wrong move. In my trance, I had decided to cut through the paper and pen aisles, surrounding myself in piles of notebooks and binders.

Instead of dying right then and there, I got to thinking. Why must shopping for college be so painful? And newsflash for you little freshmen out there: you won’t use half the shit you buy. So put down that solar-powered juice presser, because there are so many things you could get instead.

Shack Shirt Organizer
This completely customizable organizer will save you space and embarrassment. With anywhere between 2 and 40 compartments available for every fraternity on your campus, the shelving unit also comes equipped with labels. These removable labels will allow you to write down the name of your latest conquest, saving you from the humiliation of forgetting his name later on down the road.

A Killer Pair Of Shades
Put those eye masks down, ladies. We all know that you’re going to do most of your sleeping during class, and you can’t exactly whip out earplugs and a sleep mask in the middle of a lecture. You can, however, invest in a pair of sunglasses to wear. No one will question your style statement, and you can snooze away all while hiding your hangover.

Convertible Espresso Machine
Behold, the holy grail of college. This easy installation unit will fit perfectly under your lofted bed, providing espresso shots and steamed milk at a moment’s notice. And because we all know that espresso isn’t the only shots you’ll be taking, this machine can convert easily into a mini-bar with your favorite liquors on tap.

Customizable Filter Lamp
You know what sucks even more that living in a dorm? The lighting. But fear not, because this customizable lamp will change your life. It comes with 6 different filters you can easily slip over the light bulb, giving you perfect lighting for any occasion. With soft white light to bright white, your photos will barely even need Facetune. Barely.

Craft Table
Better start planning ahead, ladies. Before you know it, big-little season will be upon us and we’ll all be frantically trying to get superglue off of our desks. But with this collapsible table, you’ll never have to worry about getting fined for ruining your room. The table comes with different storage compartments, allowing you to easily store paint, glue, glitter, and pearls. The best part? The latest model comes with a built-in cup holder, so you can enjoy your pinot noir without having to worry about ruining your project.

Or maybe just settle for the shitty lamp and blanket. At least it’ll match the rest of your room perfectly.

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PSLsandPearls has been shotgunning lattes and looking good since the mid 1990's. In her free time, she cuddles with any animal she can find and incessantly bitches about how busy she is. You can email her at (note the single PSL).

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