The Be-All End-All Ode To Spring Break


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Nice Move

Spring Break

On a Sunday morning, bright and fair
One of your friends has puke in her hair.
It’s time to go home now, you mustn’t delay,
But for all the weeks fun, now you must pay.

Stacey has rounded up all of the girls
Three of the them rocking last night’s curls.
The other three barely made it out alive
And their hair situation is like a beehive.

None of it matters, since you’re headed out-
Out of this city, by the fastest route!
You arrived here a week ago, shiny and new.
But now you’re exhausted; if only you knew!

The week has been long, the nights even longer,
After you yelled at the bartender, “Stronger!”
Beaches by day, parties by night
Thank God that your mother can’t see this sight.

It started so simple, the gang was all packed,
Once on the road, you drank and snacked.
Deciding that you were all just the hottest,
There was no reason to ever be modest.

You had all hit the gym for seven months prior
And went everyday, down to the wire.
Everything toned, tight, and tanned,
Everyone was ready to find her a man.

Everyone had waxed, tweezed, and shaved.
Over her tan lines each girl had slaved.
Sheer perfection you all had become
Ready to frolic and play in the sun.

You finally arrived, thank goodness you came!
Going home would have been far too lame.
You texted and met up with all of your friends,
Not having a clue how the whole week would end.

Straight from the hotel room to the beach y’all ran
Neon fanny packs on to show off your tan.
Jenna has on her new red bikini
Everyone competes for whose is most teeny.

Countless beers are bonged on the beach
Maybe even a FourLoko peach.
Until at some point with a shout,
Somebody screams “I’m getting blackout!”

By some miracle, everyone rallies
Made up and stumbling down hotel alleys.
The clubs and their boys are waiting,
Thank God there’s no one special you’re dating.

From across the bar you lock eyes with a hottie,
And think to yourself, “time to work this beach body.”
You dance together and put on a show,
Everyone loves a good DFMO!

Your friends give you a thumbs up, you’re good to go,
So you grab your hottie, and you take him home.
Since you’ve spent quite enough time on your back,
You already know you’re a pro in the sack.

The next morning he’s still fine as hell fo sho
But you’ve got to pack, so he’s got to go.
You kick him out and give him your number,
“I hope he doesn’t call me,” you wonder.

Stacey is calling you, start packing your stuff,
You look in the mirror, and damn, you look rough.
Everyone gets it together by checkout,
It’s been a blast, but it’s time to get the heck out.

Piled in the car, everyone’s hungover and tired
But no one regrets it, the week was inspired!
You may have lost a shoe or a debit card,
But hey, keeping yourself in one piece is hard!

Heading back to school full of stories, but progress is slow,
You can’t believe some kids decided not to go.
You can’t wait for all of your friends to hear,
They totally missed out, hey, maybe next year.

Welcome back to society, bitches.

This featured image is a stock photo from our database. The people photographed are not in any way associated with the story.


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