The Imaginary Relationship Will RUIN You

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Relationships are so difficult when you’re crazy. Correction: relationships are difficult as it is, but they’re complicated further by any amount of insanity. The absolute worst type of relationship, however, is the one that you create in your own mind to be more intense than it already is, and you wind up becoming attached to the idea of the relationship rather than the relationship itself. We’ve all done it. I mean think about it: we’ve all met some guy when we’ve been in a really dark/drunk place in our lives and decided that he is absolutely PERFECT for us…so we fall madly in love without even really assessing the situation. This is so dangerous because you aren’t even falling in love with a person; you’re falling in love with an idea and not allowing yourself to stray from it. This situation is the absolute worst.

It’s way too easy to make yourself susceptible to a less than perfect relationship when you’re in a bad place. Maybe you just got out of a relationship, maybe you can’t lose 3 lbs, or maybe you feel like your skin looks a little duller than usual. Regardless of what the reason is, you’re in a vulnerable place and want/need someone to love you and pay attention to you. Generally, the guy that becomes the object of your misguided affections is someone who is clearly a few steps down from your normal criteria; which is great for you, because the entire situation is in the bag. So here you are, with some average-looking (at best) guy in your life, stalking his facebook every second of the day and convincing yourself that he is perfect for you.

But what about when he’s not? What happens when, after you’ve hung out a few times, you realize that he is far from Prince Charming, he’s actually not as perfect as you thought, and he’s actually really short? And even worse, what happens when he totally is not reciprocating the feelings you’ve convinced yourself you had for him? You are a 10, and he is a 4, at best. What the hell is this?! Maybe in a parallel, weird universe this situation would be plausible, but in the real world, it’s totally not, right? Wrong. It is.

When you convince yourself you care about someone, you start attaching to the idea of the relationship. You’re essentially creating an entire connection with someone in your mind, and it may not even be founded in reality. It’s so easy to stalk someone’s facebook, twitter, LinkedIn page and assume you have found the perfect boyfriend, and continue to believe so simply because you don’t want to be wrong. There’s nothing worse than realizing the new guy in your life is nothing like the guy you thought he was – it’s even worse when the new guy in your life is nothing like the guy you made him out to be. All of a sudden, all of the text messages you once thought were so adorable and so sweet seem to have hidden double meanings. You print out every string of Facebook messages, e-mails and skype chats and pore over them for hours, highlighting things you should have said differently in yellow and whatever he said that clearly meant he was in love with you in green. It’s beyond stressful, it’s time-consuming, and it’s heart breaking.

The situation gets complicated even further when it’s evident to everyone involved that you are clearly out of this guy’s league. It doesn’t help the cause when all of your sisters continue to tell you, “you’re definitely the best he’ll ever do” and “something has to be wrong with him if he doesn’t like you.” There may not be anything wrong with him: there actually just may not be anything there. It’s not your fault, it’s just life. But, it is your fault for giving yourself a false impression of the situation. No matter how heartbroken you may be, it’s always important to look at EVERY relationship with a critical eye. There’s nothing wrong with keeping your guard up and giving yourself time to fully assess a situation.

On the other hand, there’s nothing wrong with being hopeful that your new fling/relationship will work out, but don’t get carried away. Hyping up the idea of someone in your mind will only break your heart in the long run – we all know how much it sucks to be wrong about anything, especially your love life.

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