The Invisifriend

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After so many years in a sorority all of the lies we tell PNMs eventually start to become true. Well, not all of the lies. “It’s a mutual selection process” and “stereotypes about Greek life and its organizations have no merit” are pretty much always false, but some of the more fluffy lies become truth: “Being a part of this sorority has made the campus smaller for me” (still true) and “I can honestly say I love all of my sisters” (still half true). Sorority life really does serve as a networking vehicle and you make tons of friends inside and outside of your sorority because of it. Sometimes you meet friends in other organizations at mixers, though mostly, those just serve as a way to meet people to make out with and possibly take to your next date function; however, most of the outside-your-sorority people you meet are through your sisters. Whether it’s the girls they met in their freshman dorm, or if they’re involved in other clubs and such on campus, or even have a super tight-knit major, most normal people have a circle of friends outside of your organization (and if they don’t you can totally stop feeling bad about that one time you got lucky in her favorite dress because she’s probably weird anyway). By senior year you feel like you know everyone in your graduating class. Turns out, you do not actually know the entire campus, but you know the pretty people, and that’s all that matters.

Mostly when you run into your friends-of-friends, it’s just a kiss hello and a casual “did you go out last night?” but there some people you develop enough of a relationship with that you could even grab a coffee with or something. Alternatively, there’s that one awkward friend whom you’ve never established any type of relationship with at all. And it’s awkward. Like why. YOU KNOW ME BITCH. SAY HELLO. You’ve been at like 479 pregames together and cried on her couch and she is always with your pledge sister. You know her by first and last name, sorority, major, and a long list of guys she’s hooked up with but you have never actually spoken. Maybe you were never introduced, but like no. That isn’t right is it? That is so not right. There is no WAY you’ve never been introduced. I introduced my best friend from high school to my first friend in my pledge class so many times that they started reciting the speech back to me “yes I know. This is Amanda. She’s half Japanese and half Italian, and you think that’s a hot exotic combination, she’s the one who lives with Rachel, the blonde girl in building B. I know.” I was so afraid not to introduce my sorority friends to my not-sorority friends that it was like annoying how well-introduced they were. There’s no way you were never introduced to this girl. Maybe, more likely, the first time you met you did that thing where you pretended you were too drunk to remember meeting. And then you did it again the next time. And then it just keeps…continuing…and suddenly four years of taking shots together and awkwardly standing there while your pledge sister runs into her (or you) have gone by and you’re still pretending you’ve never met. And it’s weird. And I don’t know why it happens. You don’t wave to one another or say hi or anything. Every one of your pledge sisters has one; an invisifriend who, for your purposes, might as well not exist. I don’t think it’s because she’s anti-social. Maybe she’s just a bitch. Or maybe she’s intimidated by your beauty. Whatever the case it’s SO weird. I have more of a camaraderie with former hook-ups whom I’m actively trying to avoid but I’m just like soooo irresistible they can’t help but say hello. Oh. I mean. What. Kidding.

My only advice on the invisifriend is to never let it happen. It’s fine to pretend you don’t remember a boy so you seem like non-clingy even though you’re totally a little bit clingy and stalked him, and then his prom date, and then his mom…but with girls don’t let it happen. It takes more effort to pretend to forget someone than to just say hello.

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Hot Piece (@VeronicaGrandex) is the Director of Total Sorority Move for Grandex, Inc. After having spent her undergraduate years drinking $4 double LITs on a patio and drunk texting away potential suitors, she managed to graduate with an impressive GPA and an unimpressive engagement ring -- so unimpressive, in fact, some might say it's not there at all. Hot Piece has since been fulfilling her duties as "America's big," a title she gave to herself with the help of her giant ego. She has recently switched from vodka to wine on weekdays. Email her at veronica@grandex.co

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