One of my favorite pastimes is pissing off my ex. Nothing makes me happier than ruining his night by being the center of all male attention, or reminding him how much blackmail I have on him to make him my own little personal bitch. Honestly, it’s hard to do this, but we’re power ranking the most fun ways to piss off your ex. Because sabotage is always good for the soul.
Get hot, Khloé Kardashian style, and the rest will fall into place. This does take a little bit of work, but the outcome is so rewarding. Post those full body shots on Instagram and make sure he knows all of his friends are liking it and commenting heart eyes or fire emojis. Get hot and remind him that no matter how hard he tries, nothing can defeat your hotness.
Flirt with all the men. All of them. Especially his friends. Especially his friends in front of him. Flirt with all the guys you know he hates and feels inferior to. Make sure all male attention is on you. He will have all his attention on you from afar, pouting into his Natty Lite. Flirt subtly, and be cool about it, and at the end of the day, all of his friends will like you better than they like him. Double bonus on the fun scale.
Save All Dick Pics
This one is important. The power of blackmail. You aren’t stupid enough to send him nudes with your face in them, but he is. I once received a dick pic from my ex with my name written on his penis in permanent marker. You better believe I have that shit saved and cued up for the day he gets engaged. Just for a friendly reminder to his soon-to-be wife that his dick actually has my name written all over it. Figuratively and literally.
Send Venmo requests for all the things he wasted your time on. Most predominately, wasting your time with disappointing sex. Other, petty things can follow. Venmo him for letting him use your Netflix password. Venmo him for doing his homework for him because he would fail out of college if it weren’t for you. Venmo him for not knowing how to go down on you. Venmo him for breathing your air, because it’s yours and it doesn’t belong to him. Venmo him for being alive, because it has been a real inconvenience to the majority of the population.
Find The Weak Link, And Pounce
Oh yeah, we’re going there. Bang his friends. Is this pure evil? Absolutely. But it’s also really fun. Find the weakest link in his friend group and shove your boobs in his face. Subtly, of course. You know Chris has a weakness for girls in rompers. So throw on a romper, and romp him.
Take Up His Interests That You Had No Interest In When He Asked You To Do Them
You hated his obsession with Shawn Mendes. It was borderline making you question his sexuality. But now that you’ve broken up, take a new guy to a Shawn Mendes concert and rub those pictures all over Instagram. Start actually watching football and pick a favorite team to tweet about. Sure, you are being fake as hell, but your ex was fake as hell throughout your relationship. So no harm, no foul. See, you already know some sports lingo.
Subscribe Him To Cosmo Magazines
Just to remind him that his sex game needs some work. Maybe you can even circle or highlight some things to help him out in the long run, or to remind him how unbearable it was when he was on top. You can even send him some handwritten letters pointing out which pages will be most beneficial to him. “Page 70 has a really nice description of foreplay. You should definitely check that out.”
Sure, all of this seems petty and immature. But it’s not. It’s pure entertainment. Isn’t the whole point of life to have fun and enjoy it? What better way to enjoy your life than to make the boy who broke your heart’s life miserable?.