The Official 2016 Formal Date Application


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Nice Move


Remember last year, when you swore that by formal this year, things would be different? You said that no matter what, you would have a boyfriend. So you laughed and kissed, flirted and Snapchatted your way through a whole bunch of guys. The only problem was that the ones who wanted to date you were dweebs, and the ones who didn’t want to date you were dicks. So now you’re faced with the inevitable but somehow still shocking question:

Who are you taking to formal?

As your event chair starts sending out friendly reminders that she “needs names within the next few weeks ladies,” you feel the panic rising. What guys do you know? What guys do you know who enjoy the same type of music, food, shows on Netflix, sexual positions, and plans for the future as you? Going with the random setup from a sister or the best friend from a different chapter is fine. But it’s the easy way out that provides a hell of a lot less potential for finding a future husband. That’s where the formal date application comes in.

It covers all of it, from romantic past, future expectations, and everything in between. So print out a few copies, grab a few guys, and find your happiness using an easy-to-understand document instead of counting on someone’s awkward, drunken matchmaking skills. Because we get it, Stacy. Your friend is single. But also he’s 5’4 and a mouth breather so like…no?


Screen Shot 2016-03-08 at 5.49.34 PM

Screen Shot 2016-03-08 at 5.49.49 PM

You’re welcome.

(yeahokaywhat) Aspiring to be the next Tina Fey, Rachel spends her free time doing nothing to reach that goal. While judging people based on how they use "they're" vs. "there" on social media, she likes eating buffalo chicken dip, watching other people's Netflix, and wearing sweatpants way more than is socially acceptable. Hate mail and puppy videos can be sent to:

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