First dates are, hands down, the worst experience ever. You have to decide what the wear, shave EVERYTHING, somehow find an entire Spanx body suit, be charming, eat “daintily,” and do the awkward “will we kiss we will fuck yes, no, maybe-so” dance.
It’s exhausting, and most of us would rather cancel and stuff our faces with Chinese food instead of making actual human contact with a boy. The only thing is, we’re total catches. I mean, we have hair, vaginas, and no hair on our vaginas, so naturally, the boys line up. But according to our on-again-off-again friend, science (and science’s equally annoying brother, data), canceling first dates is super common, and most likely why we’ll die alone.
In a study published by ChilliSauce, 8,000 people were surveyed to discover what exactly they do when asked out on a first date, and the results are sort of embarrassing.
• 2 percent of them stay home and swipe on Tinder.
• 29 percent of them stay home and order food.
• 39 percent go out with friends instead.
• And only 30 percent actually go on the date.
Which means that 70 percent of us would rather wear sweats, eat an entire pizza, or avoid male contact than potentially find our soulmate. And you wonder why you don’t have a boyfriend. Even more embarrassing, guys are more likely to actually go on the date.
• 17 percent of them stay home and swipe on Tinder.
• 14 percent of them stay home and order food.
• 18 percent go out with friends instead.
• 51 percent actually go on the date.
51 PERCENT. At first, I was extremely disappointed with our gender. I mean, we want to find a guy, but we don’t want to leave our beds. But then I really thought about it. The only reason these guys don’t cancel is because they think they might get laid. And even if they do cancel, about one in five guys goes on Tinder to try to get laid. Or they go out with their friends, where they try to meet girls. Which will also result in getting laid.
So, honestly, what this all comes down to is that 86 percent of guys are going to try to get laid, no matter what. The other 14 percent are going to eat some order-in wings and jerk it. Which, unfortunately, sounds like our kind of guy. Sitting on the couch, eating greasy food, and getting yourself off? #Soulmate. What we really need is a dating service that matches people based off of their Netflix preferences and what home food delivery service they use. Until then, remember, you can’t have a boyfriend without going on a first date. But hey, if all else fails, maybe the delivery guy is single?.