The Out Of Town Shack: Proceed With Caution

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A good friend of me once told me that she loved to hook up with people at other schools because the guy doesn’t know you, so no one would ever find out about it. I thought this was ridiculous because, the guy doesn’t usually know you regardless of where he goes to school. Kidding! In theory, this totally makes sense. When you visit a friend, assuming she’s not the judgey type who gives a shit if you ditch her at night to have a sleepover with a gentleman caller, you are at liberty to do absolutely whatever you please with whomever you please without worrying about soiling your reputation. Which is really great if you’re worried about a thing like your reputation and/or if you’re interested in having hot and meaningless sex make out sessions with a random hot guy.

I see the appeal for sure. Any time I visit someone, I am seriously, like, the hottest of all commodities. Knowing that this guy I’m staring at/talking to/flirting with/forcing to buy me shots is never EVER going to be anything more to me than the boy I was staring at/talking to/flirting with/forcing to buy me shots that one random night at JMU makes me a MASTER at the game. It’s like I become this hilarious yet shameless, flirtatious, sexy diva as opposed to my norm which is a funny yet totally nervous, giggly diva…but the shameless thing totally works. Seriously, I have no qualms about just telling a guy he’s hot if I know I’m never going to see him again and it’s like they are literally down on their knees begging to go out with me and I never even have to think about getting down on mine. Like first of all, what’s a date? Is that a code word for something because I never get asked on them at home…second of all…THIS. IS. AMAZING.

So it seems like you’re in a situation where it’s like…the ideal do-it-without-consequences PLUS guys are EXTRA loving you. Still, I’d say, proceed with caution. Just because you are in a different place doesn’t mean that guys, as a whole, are any different. You won’t hear from him after a shack, of course, but it’s fine because this time you were not only not expecting to hear from him, but you weren’t even hoping to. You also need to realize, though, that the whole “you won’t give me a ride? But you PROMISED” situation is still in effect. He doesn’t care that you are on an unfamiliar campus in an unfamiliar city. He doesn’t care that you need to take a bus and two trains in stripper heels, sex hair, and last night’s dress to get home (he certainly doesn’t want to lend you his clothes). And he doesn’t care that on said journey to your friend’s home that you’re not even totally sure the name of, homeless men will be catcalling you with the casual “mmmmm, you look goooooood” and “girl, you’re so sweet, imma name a candy bar after you.” Kill me. Hopefully your friend has a car and can come get you from…ya know this location that you could not identify if you were paid to…but that may not be in the cards for you. I’d say the attention you get all night and a snuggle sesh with the bestie you’re visiting is plenty for the evening and just screw your reputation back at school. Or, ya know, don’t hook up with randos. Whichever. But suit yourself, don’t say I didn’t warn you.

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Hot Piece (@VeronicaGrandex) is the Director of Total Sorority Move for Grandex, Inc. After having spent her undergraduate years drinking $4 double LITs on a patio and drunk texting away potential suitors, she managed to graduate with an impressive GPA and an unimpressive engagement ring -- so unimpressive, in fact, some might say it's not there at all. Hot Piece has since been fulfilling her duties as "America's big," a title she gave to herself with the help of her giant ego. She has recently switched from vodka to wine on weekdays. Email her at veronica@grandex.co

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