The Painful Reason Why You Miss Him, Even If You’re Over Him


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You’re in love. He’s great. He’s your best friend, you can’t imagine your life without him, and against the odds you two are going to make it.

Fast forward a month, a year, a few years. You didn’t make it. You’re heartbroken, I mean really, painfully, physically heartbroken. And beyond that, you’re devastated. After all, he was your everything. (I mean sure your best friend was still in the picture but let’s face it, once love enters the picture, friendships fade to the background). You ride the pitfall all the way to the oh-so-cliché bottom. You listen (and cry) to just about every sad song you can relate to, you drunk text and call, you binge-watch Netflix to escape from the awful reality that your heart is into a million tiny pieces. You try to escape the fact that you’ll never get over this. Over him.

Until, of course, you do.

Eventually, somewhere down the line, you begin to try and get over it. It starts slow. A text from a new guy, a smile from a stranger. You start leaving the house more and laughing more and doing more. You meet new guys — a hookup here, a few dates there. You become busy, hanging out with friends and rediscovering yourself. And then without really realizing it, the pain and aching in your heart are gone. You no longer get sick when you see him interact with others girls (the way you used to when he so much as favorited another girl’s tweet). Your mind is finally clear enough to see why you didn’t work, and that little voice in your heart and mind saying “maybe someday” is gone.

You’re finally free.

When your song comes on in the car, you’re no longer sad. You turn it up all the way and sing along, smiling at the memories and feeling happy at how things worked out. You see something harmless you know he’d find funny and for a brief second the thought of texting him runs through your mind (you guys used to laugh at stuff like that all. the. time.). You still care, but you know that it isn’t love anymore. You’re not in love with him, and you don’t want to be with him. But on those quiet nights or unexpected moments you can’t deny that underneath it all, underneath everything, there’s still something. Not being in love with him, but being friends with him. You miss the friendship you lost. The memories that seem stuck. The world and the life you used to have. The person you used to be.

You miss him.

Not in the sense that you want to kiss him, and not even in the sense that you don’t want him kissing someone else. No, you miss him in the most innocent way. You just miss having someone to talk to all day, and to call when you’re stuck in traffic or when that “this would only happen to me” kind of thing happens. You miss someone who was always there, someone who cared about your life just as much as they did about their own. You miss your best friend. And you miss who you were when you were with him.

It sucks because love is friendship in its purest form. Yeah, maybe you guys were “friends before you dated”. But what you’re missing is not him. It is not even his “friendship.” What you’re missing is being in love. Of having someone. Of the way he made you feel when you locked eyes across the room or how his hair would stick up when he woke up. But eventually, that too will fade. And my guess is that is will go away right around the next time you fall in love again. Don’t worry, it isn’t the end. Just a step towards the next great thing. The next great friendship. The next great love.

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