The Princess Complex — A Guy Weighs In

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Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, there was a girl who lived in a castle. Throughout her young life, she was given anything her heart desired. If she wanted something, she got it. If she wanted to do something, she did it. It is even suggested that the word “no” had never fallen upon her ears. “You are a princess,” her father would tell her, “don’t let anyone treat you any differently.” As any child does, she listened.

The years passed and the time came for her to embark upon her journey into the real world. The castle gates were lifted and she was gone. Over the hills, and through the woods, to college she went. There, she was courted by young men from all corners of the land. Heirs to their own kingdom, they were reared in a similar lifestyle of extravagance and entitlement. The results of these encounters were far from a fairy tale. She would receive the same treatment she did as a child, reinforcing her mantra, “I am a princess and you will treat me as such.” The princess, however, would not be made a queen and would end up spending her remaining days alone, accompanied only by her “Aristocrats.”

Most little girls have been raised to believe that they are, in fact, “princesses,” but to no fault of their own. This is the result of being raised in a loving and privileged home. Parents everywhere spoil their children to the best of their abilities and that is a great thing for those fortunate enough to afford it. However, these girls grow up and never change. You know these girls; you have no choice. They make their presence known. Now, let’s define what a “princess” is.

First and foremost, she is the center of the universe. “No,” “You’re wrong,” and “You can’t do that” are things she has never heard, nor will she ever accept them. She refuses to allow her text messages or phone calls go unanswered or ignored. She will not accept a delayed response. Typically, though, you will never have to worry about putting in much effort — just a simple reply — because because the princess is calling to tell you something, not to talk to you. When she comes home, she wants to tell you about her day. You? You didn’t have a day. You never have days. It’s her day or the highway.

She depends upon immediacy, because a princess waits for no one. If a princess asks you for something, she wants it yesterday and not a minute after. If she does anything, and I mean anything, you will notice her. Or you will die. (This is an unfortunate byproduct of her parents recording and documenting everything she has ever done.) Compliments are the lifeline of these regal creatures. Whether it is her looks, her outfit, her purse, her new iPhone, or cooking dinner all by herself, you compliment her. Failing to do so has been known to lead to mass destruction of entire neighborhoods. Don’t be a bad neighbor.

A princess’ need for attention is fulfilled by her friends. “Friends” being that group of girls that she does everything with. Friends, for example, like Jessica. You know Jessica, the one with the really weird fiancé with whom you have nothing in common, but are forced to befriend because of your princess? You are not allowed to voice any negative opinions about her friends. Also, if she doesn’t like your friends, you better find new ones. (She won’t like your friends.)

The intimacy of a princess is often, as most everything is, centered around her. She expects you to pamper her and shower her with affection. She wants back rubs, foot rubs, bubble baths, and to be cuddled. And sexy time is whenever she says it is.

She wants material items of the highest quality. She wants the biggest house, the best clothes, the name-brand accessories, and the biggest diamond you can find (not afford, find). She wants to be showered with gifts and dinners and well, everything. Failure to do so will result in her doubting your feelings for her. The amount of money you spend on her is equal to the amount of love you have for her.

These are not all of the expectations that a princess brings into the relationship, but they’ll suffice for now. And that’s not her fault. As mentioned earlier, it’s how she was raised. It’s simply life, as she knows it. She’s just doing the things that she has done throughout her entire life — what her daddy told her. And trust me, daddy’s princess will not let anyone treat her as anything less.

The problem, however, is that these things, these expectations…she gets them and doesn’t reciprocate the effort. It’s not a matter of saying no girl should be spoiled. They should. But like everything else, it should be a give and take type of exchange between two individuals.

In short, I AM A PRINCESS, TOO! I like attention. I like texts and phone calls. I also don’t like waiting for said texts and phone calls. I want to control the conversation. I want to be noticed and complimented and showered with affection. I want to tell you about my day and I expect you to listen. I like to be appreciated just as much as you do. Tell me I’m pretty. Tell me I’m amazing. Tell me all of those things that you expect me to tell you. Be supportive, just as you would expect me to support you. Guys want to be treated well just as much as women do. However, yet again, it isn’t expected. The only expectations for the woman is to take care of the home, take care of the kids, and not fuck the pool boy. We, on the other hand, are expected to be responsible for everything else (not fucking the pool boy included).

If you treat a man as well as you expect to be treated…you win. You’ll have him for the rest of your life. And he won’t treat you like a princess; he’ll treat you like a queen. So, ladies, stop selling yourselves short and telling yourself, “I am a princess.” Instead, apply the golden rule and make your house, not a home, but a castle. A castle fit for a king and queen. A castle that your future princess can call her own.

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