Beer is the one of the few things most sorority girls are divided on. Half of us are first in line at the keg, volunteering to play beer pong, and always ready to shotgun a beer. We love cracking open a cold one on a summer day, and we would never turn a guy down when he offers to buy us a beer. The other half of us however, are not fans. We detest everything about the wheat-filled drink. The carbs. The taste. The fact that it doesn’t contain vodka. Unfortunately for the beer-haters, the frat guy’s favorite beverage might be the key to a long life.
According to one of the few centenarians in the world (people who are 110 or older), the secret to living for basically ever is to drink beer. A lot of it. Every. single. day. Agnes Fenton, a woman who turned 110 years old on Saturday, says that way to outlive literally everyone you know is to toss back that gross, foul-smelling, hoppy water that half of us hate.
From North Jersey:
She told ABC that her only serious health problem was a long-ago benign tumor and that the doctor discharged her with one word of advice.
“He said, ‘Agnes, you must drink three Miller High Lifes a day.’ ”
“So Aggie’s enjoyed three beers and a shot of scotch every day for almost 70 years,” the ABC correspondent marveled.
Fenton prefers Johnnie Walker Blue Label, the top-shelf stuff.
“Each of our centenarians has their different secrets,” said Stacy Andersen, a project manager with the New England Centenarian Study. “If Agnes feels hers is alcohol, maybe it is…”
While some people think that the reason she’s lived so long is because she avoided stress and maintained a steady routine, she disagrees entirely. So basically we have two choices: start tossing back beer or accept an early death. For most us us, I’m pretty sure we’d pick death.
Not only would trying to find space to fit all of those empty calories into your diet basically be death all on its own, but honestly? It’s not worth it. Who needs an extra 20 years of life when you can have vodka and die hot? So for those who chose death over brews look at the bright side, at least your corpse won’t have a beer gut..