The Six Types Of Guys On Tinder


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I know I’m not alone when I say that I think girls get way too much shit for being crazy on Tinder. Yeah, we might be the ones to find a match on Facebook knowing nothing but his first name. And then we might also be the ones that proceed to stalk every aspect of this seemingly unsuspecting guy’s life all the way back to his family’s trip to Japan in 2007. But this being said guys aren’t totally innocent of exhibiting somewhat strange, low-key creepy, and occasionally psycho behavior on Tinder as well. Here is a list of the six types of guys on Tinder.

1. The Horny Dude
This guy is just on Tinder to find an easy hookup. He shamelessly will ask for tit pics at 8 a.m. on a Monday morning, and will continue to message you asking if you’re DTF even though you already told him you got a new boyfriend. This guy is the epitome of a tool and will use the cheesiest sexual pickup lines, comparable to those used by your 7th-grade brother. There’s a time and place for dirty talk and this guy is fully incapable of understanding that sitting in class is probably not the best time (unless he’s a total babe, because then anytime is a good time).

2. The Socially Awkward Guy
Think lonely cat lady: guy edition. You don’t even need to swipe right to figure out who this guy is, his profile pics say it all. This guy’s pictures are either selfies on his laptop cam or awkwardly cropped family photos. If you do unfortunately end up matching with this dude it won’t be long before you feel the need to block him. It’s totally obvious by his lack of conversation skills that his attempt at using Tinder isn’t to swing a hookup but instead just to have a single being with tits acknowledge his existence. 

3. The Sketchball
This is the guy with either no profile pic or pics of so low quality that you’ve seen photos of Bigfoot that are more clear. This guy claims he “doesn’t use Facebook, Instagram, or Snapchat” but continuously messages you his address trying to persuade you to come over. DON’T GO OVER. Chances are this guy is either a 55-year-old catfishing you or just ugly as fuck — both cases in which you should steer clear. 

4. The Guy In A Relationship
This guy is honestly the dumbest fuck on the planet. Tinder is a randomized mix of people in your surrounding location and you have absolutely no control of who comes across your screen. This means that as long as his girlfriend doesn’t live under a rock, someone she knows will see him on a hookup app. Biggest red flag for spotting this piece of shit are multiple profile pics with the same girl. If he tries to claim she’s his sister be sure to tell him he’s a fucking liar or an incestuous prick.

5. The Friendship Seeker
Every time I go on Tinder I come across a guy with “Not looking for a hookup. Just looking to meet new people,” in his bio. Sorry to break it to you ladies, this guy is not a total catch. This guy is either “The Horny Dude” in disguise or secretly gay. Don’t waste your time. Keep swiping.

6. The Comedian
This is personally my favorite type of guy on Tinder. This guy isn’t looking for a one night stand, a girlfriend, or a wifey. This guy is presumably intoxicated as fuck and just looking for a drunk 2 a.m. laugh. He is not afraid to hit you with “punny” pickup lines, fart jokes, sex references or short stories that are completely irrelevant not to mention inappropriate to be told on an app that some desperate bitches use to find true love. His carefree, funny, sarcastic personality exhibited through his numerous messages most likely carries over into his real life. If he can get you literally laughing out loud over some words on a screen he’s probably the kind of guy that’s the life of the party in real life. If you are fortunate enough to match with a guy like this, keep him around. Even if he doesn’t end up being the love of your laugh he can at the very least serve as an entertaining date party date potential.

Happy swiping.

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My life is pretty much one big awkward embarrassing moment. Dream-self is a cross between Amy Schumer and Serena Van der Woodsen. I like LITs a little too much and am standards board's worst nightmare. If you don't party on Tuesdays then what's the point of college..? Feel free to email me funny stories and Memes because I love to laugh and there's a chance I might be able to make you laugh too. xo

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