These New Boxers Hide Boners And We’re Very Upset About It

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In a world where men still hold most of the power, we women struggle to assert our dominance and show guys just how kick-ass we can be. Despite the fact that we still make less money and hold fewer positions, it’s important to remember that we have the capability to bring any man to his knees through the concept of sexual power. That’s pretty cool, when you really think about it. Imagine the most important man you can think of. Now realize that you could cause him to pop a bone-dog by wiggling your ass or flashing some cleavage. Pretty neat, huh?

This is why we should all be upset about a new type of boxers, recently launched out of Washington D.C. Bloxers are a special variety of boxer that serve to conceal boners from view. Each pair comes with a “deflector shield” that covers spontaneous erections, and I fucking hate this invention.

That’s right, I think this is total horse shit. I like to look a man in the eyes as he attempts to hide his shameful boner, and this totally prevents that from happening. How am I supposed to know if what I’m doing is working? How will we, as women, predict the characteristics of a penis without seeing it’s outline as it is squished in its denim prison? Why is this invention happening?!

I say we campaign to #FreeTheBoner and dispose of this nonsense before it becomes a thing. Who’s with me?

[via Jezebel]

Image via Shutterstock

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Lucky Jo

Lucky Jo is much less medicated than her mother and sister, and she tends to think that’s a good thing. She's the newest full-time addition to the Grandex office, which is probably why they gave her the shittiest desk. In her free time she enjoys scaring small children, judging her peers, and condescendingly talking to GDIs at Starbucks. Follow her on twitter for cat memes and complaints. Email her at

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