Things I Don’t Care About: How You’re Doing On Finals

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One of my biggest pet peeves, especially during finals, is people who feel the need to update the world on how their grades are going. Currently, my newsfeed and timeline are flooded with posts like:

- “First final grade is up! 82 on the exam, 87 in the class! Not bad.”
- “A in Accounting!!!!”
- “See you on the Dean’s List, bitches.”
- “Sucked my TA’s dick last night! Pretty sure that B+ is going to somehow turn into an A-”

Seriously? Shut up. No one cares. And also, you’re just being rude. Academic success in school equates to financial success in the real world. You pretty much know who’s doing better, but it is in SUCH poor taste to brag about it. I promise you, adults aren’t updating their statuses with “Got another raise! $300K!!! Ordering the lobster tonight!” You know why? Because it’s tacky.

The worst part about it, though, is that people are bragging about mediocrity, and making themselves look like dumbasses. The only reason to brag about something is because you’re exceptionally proud of it, which is why you never see “#TweetWhatYouEat Three slices of pizza dipped in ranch dressing, six mozzarella sticks, and a brownie!” rather a boastful tweet about grilled chicken and broccoli or something (which is also really annoying, by the way).

Anyway, you’re proud of your “A” because you don’t normally get them. It’s obvious. Smart people know when they’re in the presence of other smart people. I know when my friends are a little smarter than I am, and I certainly know when they’re dumber than I am, and a B+ on some paper you slaved over doesn’t change that.

From the perspective of someone who never did too well in school, it sucks to read those statuses. They’re nothing more than a once-per-semester reminder that some nerd is beating you, if only in one area of life. I’m sure after the initial blow to their egos, the majority of academic deviants quickly brush it off with a “whatever I have a social life,” and the remainder of them are commuter students who don’t realize how dumb they are anyway, because they never made any friends.

Then there are students like me, who are constantly annoyed with people who posts these statuses. In college, I literally skipped more class than I attended. The only way you could get me into a classroom was if attendance was mandatory, and even then I used up all my absences, tardies, and fake trips to the infirmary within the first six weeks. Class wasn’t my thing, and neither was doing my work. One semester, I slept through a final exam, and wrote an entire final paper for another class during the lecture on the day it was due. Another time I had a really young, progressive, possibly gay, possibly hipster professor who offered to raise my grade by half a letter grade if I wrote an extra credit essay, outlining how to motivate other students like me. It was tempting, but so was happy hour. I didn’t do it. I always ended up doing pretty comparatively to the library creatures. I gave my parents something to brag about, but only put in a fraction of the effort. For someone like me, who felt like they were just throwing good grades my way (with the exception of the semester I turned 21), the people getting all hyped about a 3.5 for the semester were pathetic. I felt they were less smart rather than more smart, because clearly this was some big feat for them.

The only people who could possibly be more annoyed than “does not work to potential” types such as myself are the people who were equally smart or smarter, and actually did work to their potentials. My two most brilliant friends in school were my engineer roommate and a pledge sister in my major. The two of them, like all geniuses, are the absolute most humble people when it comes to grades. They weren’t exactly ashamed to be so smart, but they’d never, ever engage in “what’d you get” conversations. They knew it was awkward and rude to be like “98…again” when everyone else was discussing how stupid drunk they needed to get that night to forget how stupid sober they were when they took their exams. If you’ve ever been the person to set the curve, or consistently bring home perfect scores, you know it’s an amazing feeling, but it’s best to just send your grade to your mother to put on the fridge and save the bragging for Christmas.

Good luck on the rest of finals, but don’t forget, the smarter you think you are, the dumber it makes you seem. Plus, no one actually cares.

***


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  1. PrettyinBows

    Actually setting the curve doesn’t feel amazing. More like a weird mixture of “yay” and “oh God please don’t let anyone find out it’s my fault there’s no curve” and “I hate people like me, what have I become?!”

    ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 1 year ago
    -2
    • Jon M Fratsman

      ^ The lady speaks the truth. Like my first semester when I set the curve on one test in a lecture class and the prof posted all the grades up with names beside them since it was such a large class. Everyone was standing around the bulletin board going “who the fuck is _______ _______, that jerk” and my pledge ass was just standing there praying no one recognized me.

      ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 1 year ago
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