Things You Shouldn’t Do With Your College Boyfriend: Give Him An Ultimatum


Email this to a friend

Nice Move

College boyfriend

Read also: Things You Shouldn’t Do With Your College Boyfriend: Move In Together, Things You Shouldn’t Do With Your College Boyfriend: Make A Big Purchase, and Things You Shouldn’t Do With Your College Boyfriend: Sign A Lease

“So exactly how long has it been?” her best friend, Alex, asked while plopping down on her white down comforter.

“Three days,” she declared in a shaky voice, reaching over to grab her monogrammed tumbler of rosé. “I just, I can’t believe he did this to me,” she gave a little dramatic sniff, “to us.”

She sucked on the pink and white straw recently picked up from Target for her (to die for) bar cart and allowed herself a few seconds of pity. She knew it wasn’t fair for her to be this upset, but it also wasn’t fair for her boyfriend of two-plus years to completely shut her out like this. Just when they were getting ready to move in and start a life together, this happened. What would she do with the decorative vases she had specifically ordered for their dream apartment? What would she do with the Pinterest wedding board that would totally be out of season if they broke up and she had to start dating again? She felt tears prick her eyes as she glanced up at Alex, hoping her best friend would have some comforting words for her. I mean, hello? That is her fucking job.

“Okay, okay. Like. It’s fine. You and Mike were made for each other,” Alex finally assured, while subtly typing his username into her Instagram. “What, exactly, did he say?”

She put her cup back down on her lace-covered nightstand and reached for her iPhone. She tried to avoid looking at the background, a picture of her and her boyfriend, Micahel, kissing at formal last semester, and quickly went to type in her passcode. 10-13. She felt a pang of panic hit her heart as she put in their anniversary date to unlock her text messages. She pulled up the conversation with “Baeee *heart eyes emoji* *kissing emoji* *beer emoji* *boy and girl holding hands emoji*”.

“Okay so like, three days ago we got into that fight abut the apartment. I said that if weren’t going to be on the same lease, I wasn’t going to stick around,” she glanced up at Alex who was nodding sympathetically, eyes still glued to her phone. “It was dumb, I know. But whatever! Ultimatums usually work. I did it before and it totally got him to cancel his guys’ trip and go antiquing with me in Savannah.”

“Duh,” Alex insisted, while spotting a picture of Micahel with his arms around a random girl at Library, their bar of choice. She squinted at the girl’s username, trying to figure out if she knew her or not.

“So anyway, we go into The House and talk about it, and basically he’s like, ‘I feel like you’re pressuring me into stuff and you don’t care what I want’ and like, whatever. It was so dumb,” she pauses to take a hasty breath.

“SO dumb,” Alex agreed, while digging into the mystery girl’s social media.

“Anyways I’m just like, ‘No, Michael. This is what’s happening. I’ll give you some space to sort out your issues,’ and then I left.” She took another shaky breath and pulled the covers up around her. “I just, don’t know what to do.”

“Have you talked to him at all?” Alex asked, reaching over to take a sip of her friend’s drink and putting her phone down to keep her from seeing his tagged social media. She didn’t think he cheated, but it didn’t look great, considering they were in yet another rough patch.

“No. I texted him like twice. Three times, tops. But nothing. I’m freaking out,” she admitted, curling her legs up and picking at her fuzzy, pink sock. She considered snapping a pic and ‘Gramming it because TBH her bed situation looked artsy AF right now, but honestly, she was too sad to even Afterlight it. “What if he doesn’t take me to formal? What if he forgot about me?” she gasped as her greatest fear finally hit her.

“What if he dumps me and I don’t win sweetheart this year? After all the work I put in –” she choked back an angry sob and picked up her phone. “I am so over this.”

Alex, finally figuring out who this girl was (in a rival sorority, cute, but not as cute as her friend, and obviously crushing hard on Michael), glanced up in a panic. “Wait? Like. What are you going to do?”

“I’m going to text him because I just…I can’t anymore Alex. I’m like *so* pissed and over this situation. Like hello? What’s he doing without me?” She shot Alex a look, expecting her friend to support her decision, only to see a guilty look spread across her face.

“What?” She asked, panic freezing her heart. “What happened?”

She looked from the odd expression of pity to the way Alex’s phone was clutched in her hand, face down on the bed. “How bad is it?” she murmured, as realization swept over her. She had avoided Michael’s social media the last few days because looking at his dumb face made her upset. But now, as Alex slowly passed the phone to her, she wondered if she made the wrong choice.

She stared at the random Instagram account that Alex had come across when looking at Micahel’s tagged photos. She took in the possessive hand the girl had on HER boyfriend, the tryhard outfit (really? Heels at Library?) and the over-bleached smile.

“Who. The FUCK. Is this bitch?” she yelled, staring at the slutty brunette under his arm. “We’re not even broken up!”

She tossed Alex’s phone down and started pacing the room, avoiding eye contact with the framed, smiling versions of her and Micahel gazing down at her from her gallery wall.

“Who the fuck does he think she is?” She muttered, wringing her hands with a frenzied look in her eyes. “He thinks he can play this game? Huh? He wants to do this? Fine. FINE. I can’t play that game Micahel. I can sooooo play that game.” She flung herself back on the bed and reached for her phone, her fingers shaking in fury.

She once again pulled up the text conversation with Micahel and bit her lip and she typed frantically.

“WE NEED TO TALK NOW,” she wrote with vigor. Hesitating a moment before clicking send, she glanced up at Alex with a slow, sinister grin on her face. Two can play this game, she thought as her fingers quivered in enraged excitement. “I THINK I’M PREGNANT.”

Image via Shutterstock

(yeahokaywhat) Aspiring to be the next Tina Fey, Rachel spends her free time doing nothing to reach that goal. While judging people based on how they use "they're" vs. "there" on social media, she likes eating buffalo chicken dip, watching other people's Netflix, and wearing sweatpants way more than is socially acceptable. Hate mail and puppy videos can be sent to:

More From Rachel Varina »


You must be logged in to comment. Log in or create an account.

Click to Read Comments (8)