It’s happening again. You just know it. You want to say no, not this time, not again, but you’re already being pulled in. “Maybe it’ll be different this time. Maybe he really has changed,” you say to yourself. “Yeah, right,” another part of you answers. You ignore it. Not because you don’t think this other part of you is right, because you know it is. You just don’t want to listen. So you give your heart the okay to fall for him again, hoping for the best, but deep down preparing for the worst.
At first, it’s perfect. He’s perfect. He’s different, but also the same, which is why you always go back in the first place. It’s comfortable being with him because he knows you. Sure, being with someone new is exciting, but being with him feels like putting on an old sweatshirt. You’re happy to be with him again, but it’s the comfort of knowing that he’s already seen all your flaws and embarrassing moments and he knows exactly what you like and how to make you happy.
On the other hand, he also knows exactly how to push your buttons and piss you off.
It doesn’t take long for you to realize the problems you had the last time you were together are still there, lurking under his intoxicating smile and the kisses that left you breathless. He won’t commit. You go to different schools. He’s a flirt. Whatever it is doesn’t take long to rear its ugly head again. You fight, cry and scream because he’s the only one who lets you do that. You’re mad at him, you wish so badly things could change, but you’re more angry at yourself for letting it get this far. Again.
It ends once more and each time is worst than the last. The harder you fall, the harder it is to come out of it one more time. You can try to move on, but you’re just going through the motions. You sink deeper and deeper into yourself because your friends are tired of hearing the same sob story over and over again, which backfires in the end because it only makes it easier to convince yourself to get back with him the next time.
It’s a vicious cycle of breakups and makeups, and before you know it, you’re wondering where the time went. You wasted six months, a year, two years on this guy. And it’s the same story every time. It’s like you’re stuck between being good enough that he always comes back to you, but not good enough to stay.
The back and forth of it all is what’s killing you. You feel every high and low so intensely, and it’s the high that keeps you coming back for more. He keeps jerking you around, and you don’t know whether it’s because he really wants you that badly or whether he enjoys playing this sick and twisted game.
But let’s be honest, you were happy once. You aren’t happy anymore, but you used to be. Why is it so hard to stay that way?
It’s not him, it’s you. You keep letting it get to this point. You keep letting him crawl back into your life just to leave it once more. You do this to yourself because it’s easier to go back to something you know so well than start fresh with someone new. But you’re wrong. You know how the story with him ends. You don’t know how it will end if you let yourself be with someone else. So let go. Turn this off again on again relationship into a memory instead of your reoccurring nightmare. Let him go. It’s time. .