So I’m having a lot of issues lately with this boy. Shocker. I came to college not really knowing anyone because I had pretty much cut all ties from anyone from my high school. As sad as this was, it let me get close to my suite mate, because we both went Greek and got to move in earlier then both of our roommates. My suite mate and I are now literal best friends. We both ended up in different houses but I love her so much already and couldn’t imagine her not in my life.
So, it all started when we went on a Target run. There is where I met her friend, a boy who was literally perfect. We got to talking and all decided to grab some lunch. I learned on our way there that he had recently broken up with his girlfriend who is currently a junior in high school. She was blowing up his phone and called him about 20 times in that hour we were all eating. He still proceeded to have fun and before he left, he added us all on Snapchat. A couple of days later we started sending “mass snaps” to each other. Eventually he started using Snapchat messenger to talk to me. We casually flirted, and I really started developing feelings for him. Then I went out on a Thursday night and met up with him. We were both pretty buzzed, went back to his place, and hooked up.
Later that week I found out that he had gotten back together with his “ex” girlfriend a couple of days before we hooked up. I also found out that he was constantly asking my suite mate to hook up and do stuff with him. She has a boyfriend of five years, who just so happens to be the best friend of my “perfect guy.” Yeah. It’s bad.
Once he realized I found out, he pressured me for weeks not to tell anyone. I was so distraught, I couldn’t focus. I cried everyday. I lost so much weight, I slept all the time, and I couldn’t get past my guilt. So I finally told my suit mate about the situation and blocked him on every form of social media. Luckily she was very supportive and understanding about the whole situation.
So now here we are. It’s been about a week and a half since I told him that I was done. He immediately started messaging my suite mate all the time about how “he didn’t want to me to hate him.” And then four days ago, I got a notification and it turns out he made a new Snapchat to hide from his girlfriend and started messaging me. He feels awful but I don’t know what to say to him. I want to hate him but I care about him. I want to not talk to him but it’s so hard for me. My suite mate tells me constantly not to believe a word he said, and that he really doesn’t really care about me. I brought this up to him and he told me that he really is trying to make an effort.
He messages me every day, if something’s wrong he picks up on it instantly and will bug me until he gets it out of me. It’s so hard to trust what he says and I know he doesn’t message my suite mate nearly as much as he used too. It’s just so hard to figure out the truth from bullshit. I also recently found out that he was still hooking up with his ex-girlfriend when they were broken up and the girl was poking holes in their condoms. I don’t want to bring it up to him but I feel like I should. I care about this kid and I just don’t know what to do or say to him. Sometimes I feel like the only reason he would try and talk to me still is because he’s afraid of what I’m going to say to other people about him or he wants me on the side in case they do break up. I just need help.
I f*cked up
First of all, I’m sorry. I’m sorry you’re going through such a weird situation. I’m sorry for the pain and confusion this boy is causing you. And I’m sorry for what I’m about to say:
Kindly, respectfully, what the actual hell are you doing?
And I do mean that with love. But seriously, what are you doing? Let me just lay it down for you. This boy has:
• Lied to you.
• Most likely lied to his girlfriend.
• The same girlfriend who isn’t even legal yet.
• The same girlfriend who is trying to get pregnant at seventeen.
• Tried to hook up with your best friend.
• Tried to hook up with your best friend who happens to be dating HIS best friend.
If one of your friends was trying to date this guy, what would you say? The answer is, of course, “run.” And not just because of what he has or hasn’t done, but because of who he is.
You, my dear, have just encountered your first fuckboy. A common bread of shithead, these guys do whatever they what, with whoever they want, with no regard to anyone but themselves. Great, right?
Not every guy in college is like this, and not all of them will be as dumb about the whole thing, but they’re there. Lurking in bars just waiting to buy you a drink, compliment your nail polish color, and “forgetting” to text you back two months later when you ask what’s going on with your relationship. This guy might be the first one you’ve encountered, but chances are, he won’t be the last. They know exactly what to say. They know how to kiss you in the way that makes your knees shake. They know when you’re upset, and act like they care. They get you. They care about you. And when it all comes crumbling down, they claim that they “didn’t deserve you” and they can’t believe they “lost the best thing that ever happened to them.”
Did I mention they’re predictable AF?
Still, that doesn’t change the fact that you like him, he hurt you, and you’re not sure what to do. So here it is. The solution to your problem — stop talking to him. Stop hanging out with him. And stop giving him your time and your heart. Unfortunately what your friend is saying is probably true — he doesn’t care about you. And if he does? He’s not worth the tears and uncertainty you’ll face.
Starting a relationship on a foundation of cheating is never a good idea. Maybe he says all of the right things to you, but what was he saying to his girlfriend? To your best friend, when he was trying to get with her? And what will he say to the girl after you? The one he decides he wants, even though he’s with you?
Cut your losses, save yourself the heartache, and block him from your life just like you blocked him from social media. In the end you’ll be successful, happy, and with someone who doesn’t try to screw everything that moves. And as for him? He’ll be dealing with his crazy ex and his baby at the age of nineteen. And as we all know, the best revenge is having a better life than the guy who screwed you over. Put down your phone, pick up the pieces of your life, and move on. Trust me, you got this..