Throwback Thursday: Celebrity Bling Ring

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Nice Move

Screen Shot 2013-03-21 at 2.12.59 PM

Sometimes, people are too entertaining of a trainwreck to ignore. Of course, there is Lindsay Lohan, the never ending buffet of drama and debauchery. As of late, there’s been Tay Tay Swift, who has proven that even the most unsuspecting, rat-faced girls from Tennessee can fall victim to the insanity bug. I mean, yeah, RIP Amy Winehouse, but let’s be real here. None of these girls had anything on the biggest hot mess in the entire world, Alexis Neiers of the short-lived E! show, Pretty Wild.

Basically, Pretty Wild was a show about a former Playboy Playmate, her two biological daughters, her one adopted daughter, and their trainwreck of a life. The girls grew up in the household I can imagine would exist if Regina George’s mom and Courtney Love opened a daycare center. If I had a soul, I probably wouldn’t have found it so enjoyable, because it was actually pretty sad at most moments how disastrous the lives were of the two main characters, Tess Taylor and Alexis Neiers. Tess was Alexis’ friend, an aspiring model, and questionable drug addict who had been disowned by her biological mother and adopted by Alexis’s idiot of a mother figure. Alexis, on the other hand, is a tattooed, spoiled, drug addicted hot mess who, at the time of the show, had gained notoriety for being a part of the “Celebrity Bling Ring” responsible for breaking into the houses of celebrities such as Orlando Bloom, Lindsay Lohan, and Rachel Bilson. The show began filming just as Alexis came under fire (as in, she got arrested) for her involvement, and Pretty Wild followed her court proceedings. She wound up going to jail, and then to rehab, as all Hollywood girls do. While the show was pretty short lived, it was absolutely epic. I mean, there are the Kardashians, and then there are these bitches. Also, take a look at the most epic clip EVER:

Yeah. So. That happened. Alexis did a Vanity Fair interview in an attempt to clear her name and garner some sympathy before her trial, and apparently she was misquoted. Instead of trying to right the wrongs of her speech, Alexis NEEDED to let that damn Nancy Jo know she was NOT wearing Louboutins. I know, I know. I get pissed when people can’t figure out who I’m wearing too, Alexis, but really, don’t you think there were more pressing issues at the time? Also, I can’t even with her mother. These people were amazing. I mean, they definitely needed to be on different doses of whatever meds they were on. Watching this show was like being a fly on the wall of what I imagine the absolute best version of a brothel to be like.

Apparently, Sofia Coppola was so intrigued by the little shitshow that is Alexis Neiers that she’s decided to make a movie about it. Emma Watson is playing the character loosely based on Alexis. The movie is called, creatively, “The Bling Ring” and is coming into theaters pretty soon. I don’t know if I’ll go see it, but it’s important to recognize Ms. Coppola’s inspiration for giving Hermione Granger a fake tramp stamp.

Oh, and no, the irony is not lost on me that Alexis is more worried about the wrong description of her outfit than the actual article in a magazine with the word “vanity” in the title.

Apparently, these days, Ms. Neiers is sober, married and pregnant.

Buzzkillllllllll.

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