Tom Cruise Doubles Down on the Crazy, Believes He Has Magic Powers

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I think most of us would agree that Tom Cruise is a great actor. The Mission Impossible series is entertaining, and Top Gun is an American treasure. The problem is, Tom Cruise is also batshit crazy. Like “believes he’s going to be reunited with L. Ron Hubbard on a special secret planet one day” crazy.

Apparently, he’s now the #2 leader of the Church of Scientology, the most successful cult in the universe, and believes he has the power to cure addicts, heal the depressed, and that he has the moral power and authority to save the planet. Basically, he’s Jesus, if Jesus starred in movies with kick-ass volleyball montages and awesome air-to-air dogfights.

“Cruise was elated yet distracted by more earthly concerns. He was openly complaining about his lack of a girlfriend, and so once again Miscavige tasked church members with solving this problem. Cruise himself held auditions at the Celebrity Centre, under the guise of casting for his next “Mission: Impossible” film. On his list: Lindsay Lohan, Jessica Alba, Kate Bosworth, Scarlett Johansson and Jennifer Garner, whom he found the most compelling.”

Katie Holmes was also brought in, and the two hit it off. Tom Cruise had his entire relationship with Katie Holmes set up by holding a fake casting call for his next movie. How could things have ended so badly!?! Use your space magic great wizard Cruise!

I know that a good movie can be a great wingman when you’re trying to close, but this isn’t what people mean by that, Tom. On the other hand, you have to give the guy credit for organizing a fake casting call just so he could screen top quality stars to bone.

[via i09]

Image via CNN

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  1. 6
    Sorry Sir

    “Help me Jesus, help Jewish God, help me Allah, help me Tom Cruise. Tom Cruise won’t you use your witchcraft to get the fire off me.”
    -My Personal Hero

    ^ ThisBless your heartReply • 2 years ago