50. 60% chance of rain, 100% chance of rainboots. TSM.
49. Drinking beer because you’ll be a “guys’ girl.” NS. Drinking whatever the hell you want because you’re pretty. TSM.
48. If laying in my towel wrap for hours is wrong, then I don’t want to be right. TSM.
47. “It’s always Summer somewhere.” -Lilly Pulitzer. TSM.
46. I’m pretty sure Beyonce won the Super Bowl. TSM.
45. Feeling slightly excited the first time he tells you “My mom said ‘hi.'” TSM.
44. Rory Gilmore having a classy wardrobe, perfect GPA, and the richest boyfriend on campus. TSM.
43. When my procrastination includes working out, sleeping, or crafting, I’m still technically being productive, just not at what I should be doing. TSM.
42. Perfecting the fake-reach for your wallet charade. TSM.
41. I’m sorry, did my opinion offend you? You should hear the ones I keep to myself. TSM.
40. Automatically standing on your toes while trying on a dress to see what you would look like in heels. TSM.
39. In 2013, I resolve to make out with somebody soberly. Maybe. TSM.
38. Only the most important people having emojis next to their names in your phone. TSM.
37. Regretting your decision every time you wear pants. TSM.
36. “If I get fat, please tell me. Don’t even be sensitive about it. Just be a sister and tell me.” TSM.
35. Following in Elle Woods’ footsteps by becoming president of your sorority and attending Harvard Law. TSM.
34. Pretending he doesn’t exist when you see him on campus, rather than giving him dirty looks. You have sisters for that. TSM.
33. Reese Witherspoon arguing that she had the right to “stand on American ground” when the arresting officer told her to stay in her car. TSM.
32. Feeling personally offended when other girls don’t like your favorite fraternity. TSM.
31. I don’t care how good your sorority is at other schools. It sucks here. TSM.
30. Forgetting the words “big” and “little” are technically adjectives, not people. TSM.
29. Having little concern the first time a boy sees your naked body, but feeling totally vulnerable the first time he sees your naked face. TSM.
28. Beer with your shower. TFM. Wine with your bubble bath. TSM.
27. “If a girl looks swell when she meets you, who gives a damn if she’s late?” -Holden Caulfield. TSM.
26. Hating an entire sorority because you hate one girl in it. TSM.
25. Becoming irrationally excited upon finding out Disney movies have been added to Netflix. TSM.
24. When you and a sister know you’re thinking the same bitchy comment just by looking at each other. TSM.
23. Tina Fey publicly calling Taylor Swift out at the Golden Globes by telling her to take some “me time.” TSM.
22. Realizing that after graduation, half of your closet will no longer be socially acceptable to wear in public. TSM.
21. Don’t have casual sex, ’cause you will get attached and die. TSM.
20. Well-bred, well-read, and absolutely phenomenal in bed. TSM.
19. “I just want someone who wants to hang out all the time and thinks I’m best person in the world and wants to have sex with only me.” -Lena Dunham. TSM.
18. Sometimes I have the feeling that I should volunteer to be a sober sister, but then I think, mmmm better not. TSM.
17. Knowing it’s better to be single and happy than attached and miserable this Valentine’s Day. TSM.
16. Your biggest fear being accidentally sending a boy the screenshot of your conversation with him. TSM.
15. “It’s better to arrive late than to arrive ugly.” -Darcy Gilmore. TSM.
14. “I know who your big is.” TSM.
13. Waists are small, hair is long, hearts are big, and drinks are strong. TSM.
12. “A little bit of devil in her angel eyes, she’s a little bit of heaven with a wild side.” TSM.
11. Associating with fraternity men, not frat boys. TSM.
10. We were never GDIs, we were always PNMs. TSM.
9. Sweetie, just because you were recently initiated doesn’t mean you’ve earned speaking privileges at chapter. TSM.
8. “She used to tie her hair up in ribbons and bows, sign her letters with X’s and O’s. Got a picture of her mama in heels and pearls. She’s gonna make it in her daddy’s world. She’s an American girl.” TSM.
7. Having neither room in your closet, nor empty hangers, but still firmly believing you need more clothes. TSM.
6. Khloe would be “kitchened,” Kim would be blacklisted, and Kourtney would be your big. TSM.
5. My obsession with Lisa Frank matured into an obsession with Lilly Pulitzer. TSM.
4. Nothing is sexier than a man in a suit. TSM.
3. I need a boy with southern manners, a west coast attitude, and an east coast trust fund. TSM.
2. When your boyfriend mentions you should stop monogramming everything, because the letters are going to change soon. TSM.
1. You know what I got for Valentine’s Day? Drunk. TSM.
Nice Move240
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Veronica Ruckh
Veronica (@VeronicaRuckh) is the Director of Total Sorority Move for Grandex, Inc. After having spent her undergraduate years drinking $4 double LITs on a patio and drunk texting away potential suitors, she managed to graduate with an impressive GPA and an unimpressive engagement ring -- so unimpressive, in fact, some might say it's not there at all. Veronica has since been fulfilling her duties as "America's big," a title she gave to herself with the help of her giant ego. She has recently switched from vodka to wine on weekdays. Email her at [email protected]
@VeronicaRuckh
@VeronicaRuckh
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