Textbooks being used more often as spider-killing weapons than as study tools. TSM.

“I’m going to office hours with my TA,” actually meaning, “I’m going to hook up with with my TA in the office.” TSM.

Not needing to worry about the Plan B “weight limit.” TSM.

“Well, I mean, I already blow-dried my hair” being a legitimate excuse to go out on any given night. TSM.

Drunk-cooking bacon cheddar omelettes for a fraternity house freshman year, and being their sweetheart ever since. TSM.