My boobs are tiny. Like, microscopic. On the one hand, it kind of sucks, but on the other hand it really, really sucks. Boobs are a part of womanhood that I feel like I’ve missed out on. I’ll never get the guy because of my cleavage. I’ll always have empty chest space when I put on a formal dress. And a part of me will always feel less hot, even if it’s utterly stupid to feel that way.
The only thing that saves me from having a completely board-like structure is a padded device I strap onto my chest each morning otherwise known as a brassiere. Fortunately, someone somewhere concocted a piece of clothing that can round up every molecule of fat my chest can muster and create a seemingly full bosom. Of course, there’s a lot of help from the padding, too. It takes more than underwire to turn the body of a twelve-year-old into a curvy lady.
On any given day, I can throw on my favorite Victoria’s Secret push-up bra and feel complete, empowered. That’s why it hurts me to think the very company that gives me the gift of breasts isn’t exactly the greatest. In the past, VS had trouble with labor laws and pretty much ripped off Triangl’s swimsuit designs. Now, a clothing designer is suing the company over yet another design steal.
Debra MacKinnon, owner of the intimate apparel company Zephrys and sole responsibility for America’s greatest-looking boobs, is claiming that VS stole her kidney-shaped, silicone bra insert design.
Ms. MacKinnon’s inventive concept was to develop a true anatomically correct push up insert to create lift and cleavage while maintaining a natural appearance underneath clothing.
When she created and perfected her product, but before getting a patent, she began selling the inserts to VS and other bra-makers alike. Now, after getting a patent and hoping to make a sweet licensing deal exclusively with VS, she has found out that they, too, have created a similar product, got a patent, and are retailing it for a cool $58 per set.
Well, that sucks.
But the thing I was wondering about the most is what exactly an “insert” is, so I looked it up. They’re basically silicone blobs that you stuff your bra with and then have to somehow hide if you ever want to go home with a guy. You may know them as “chicken cutlets.” I just don’t know how I feel about them. I like my silicone/gel/memory foam inserts where I can’t see them—inside the bra itself. That way I don’t feel like I’m flat out lying. Oh, and jellyfish-like objects won’t come flying out of my bra during sex. That, too. Anyway, even if Ms. MacKinnon doesn’t win this lawsuit, I would still like to say thank you from the bottom of my heart for your service to the IBTC and anyone else who #SavedDatMoney by purchasing your products in lieu of getting breast implants.