Shopping for other people is hard. If you can set foot in a department store and leave with gifts for others but nothing for yourself, congratulations. As soon as I step into a department store, all bets are off. With the holiday season among us, you’ve likely started thinking about what to get your boyfriend/sort of boyfriend/guy you pretend is your boyfriend. It’s probably also quite likely that you’ve found yourself stumped. You can’t exactly quantify months and years of love and affection with a gift card to Cabellas. Well, I guess you could, but when I asked my guy friends what they would want for Christmas, their answers were much more entertaining. Some of their responses were funny, some were vulgar, and some reminded me how thoughtful and sweet dudes can be when they feel like it.
This was a common one, although I’m not quite sure that I condone it. It seems like a great idea in theory, but make sure that you take into account how responsible your boyfriend is before you pop a plaid bow onto a fluffy chocolate lab. Puppies turn into dogs, and they need arguably even more love, attention, and care than you do (I know, right?!). If the guy you’re shopping for has trouble remembering to clean up the wounded soldiers that litter his countertops come Sunday morning, there’s a good chance he might forget to keep little Boone’s water dish full.
There are two routes you can go when you’re using event tickets as a gift. First, you can stalk his most played on iTunes and then purchase a pair of tickets to an upcoming show by his favorite band or artist. Obviously, he will feel obligated to take you. You’d get a cute date, some fun memories, and a chance to break your like record on Instagram. Not a bad return on investment, if you ask me. If you feel like giving more than receiving, you can also buy him tickets to an upcoming game with his favorite sports team. Buy two, but politely decline his invite by telling him that you bought them for him and his best friend. Not only does this give you a night off to go in on a bottle of Pinot, but it will also earn you major points with the best friend.
A Nice Watch
As your boyfriend gets closer to adulthood, he will begin to find himself more frequently in situations where being able to tell the time from something other than his iPhone or the sun is essential. Splurging a little on a good watch is a great way to make sure he stays punctual, and make sure that you’re on his mind. You know, because he’ll look down at his wrist and see your face. You could probably even get one custom-made with a picture of you on the watch face! But that’s just an idea.
I don’t really understand what these are. As far as I can tell it is some combination of a skateboard and a Segway, and is clearly something that a male must have invented. Whatever. The point is, a lot of guys apparently think that they’re really cool and look fun. They’re a little on the spendy side, but I can only imagine that they’re worth the price because you’ll get to watch your boyfriend fall off while he’s still trying to get the hang of it.
As we all know, most college students like to drink. As we also know, boys are not picky about their alcohol, but men are. When was the last time you saw your dad pick up a fifth of Skol on his way home from work? Probably never, because adults can afford liquor that doesn’t taste like nail polish remover. Figure out what your boyfriend’s favorite kind of alcohol is (whiskey, rum, tequila, etc.), and then ask your dad (or Google) what a nice brand would be. Bonus points if you introduce him to a new favorite. Alas, you will have to resist the urge to bedazzle it.
This option may seem like a fun combination of complicated and boring, but it’s actually neither. For one, your boyfriend probably has a pair of shoes that he loves a little too much. If he’s anything like the average college male, it probably isn’t too high on his priority list to get them replaced. That’s where you come in. If all of his shoes are (shockingly) in fairly good shape, a pair of cool Nikes, nice dress shoes, or Sperrys in a color that he doesn’t already own are a few other good options.
You know your boyfriend best. If you really think about it, the two of you probably have countless inside jokes that you can base a present off of. You know his habits, his favorite foods, and his hobbies. It doesn’t have to be an expensive new driver if he likes to golf, it could be you taking a few lessons and surprising him by playing a round with him. At the end of the day, it’s the thought that counts, not the price point. Shelling out hundreds of dollars isn’t going to miraculously make your relationship last if it isn’t meant to. Doing something to show him how much you appreciate having him in your life will go a lot further.
I also received a number of gift suggestions that reminded me that boys will be boys. You might be able to take the boy out of sixth grade, but you can’t always take the sixth grade out of the boy. The gift ideas that he wants which deserve honorable mentions are as follows:
• A plant that my girlfriend takes care of “so that I know she won’t kill our future children”.
• A Lion.
• Beej while I smoke a blunt.
• Beej while my girlfriend is wearing lingerie.
• Beej while I watch Sports Center.
• Sex Coupons.
• A three-way with my girlfriend and her best friend.
• A girlfriend who won’t text me.
• A girlfriend who will buy her own booze and not expect me to buy her booze.
• A girlfriend who will black out and not cry.
• A girlfriend who doesn’t want to be called my girlfriend.
• A girlfriend who isn’t a ho.
Just kinda makes you feel all warm and tingly inside when you read about how sensitive they can be, doesn’t it?.