What It’s Like Not Having A “Plan”


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All my life I was the girl with a plan. I planned my 15th birthday during my 14th birthday party. I organized prom weekend months before prom was even a thought. I also declared my major and chose my college during the first week of my senior year of high school. So when did it all change? I ask myself this as I sip my margarita by the pool on a Tuesday morning when I should be working.

It all changed when I went to the college I had my mind set on for about a year. The first part of me that changed was joining Greek life, because I was really set on not going Greek. Then I thought to myself, “What do I have to lose?” I actually gained a lot like sisterhood, fun memories, and a higher alcohol tolerance (this is debatably the best part). After this, I realized I don’t actually have to follow the plan I made for myself weeks, months, and even years before events happened.

After realizing I completely went against my plan and actually liked it, I did it more often. I studied abroad in Italy the summer after my sophomore year not knowing anyone, not planning anything, and I absolutely loved it. During my junior year I had a complete panic attack because I had thought about changing my major. A few (about 30) bottles of wine later, I decided not to change my major, but the thought that I could change my whole life in a second scared me. It scared me so much that I took a summer job in Washington DC away from all my friends and family so I could think about what I wanted to do with my life.

I get asked about six times a day what I want to do after graduation, and I usually make up some rehearsed response about the great jobs I’m applying for. This sounds like a completely different person compared to the senior year high school version of myself because in reality, I have no plan. For the first time in my life, I don’t want to have a plan. I’ve finally accepted that it’s okay to not have my whole life planned out at twenty years old. It’s okay to not want to think about life past the frat parties every weekend, the days where I can skip class all day to watch a Keeping Up With The Kardashians marathon, and the times where I can pick up everything and go on vacation for days at a time without being tied to anything. It’s okay to not want to grow up and to just want to have fun with my friends, because when else will I get the chance to live this careless lifestyle?

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