Columns

What Your Choice Of Underwear Says About You

What Your Choice Of Underwear Says About You

Crotchless Panties

These panties really get the boner party going. You want to go Fifty Shades of Grey on whoever you are preparing to hook up with. Bondage, anal play, whips and chains are what you’re into. Blow jobs aren’t usually your thing, but when you do choose to go down on someone, you use teeth. You will stuff penis-shaped foods in your mouth to grab the attention of the gentleman you want to bang in the bathroom. Somehow or another, at least one male has ended up in the hospital after having sex with you. Basically, you are one kinky motherfucker.

Granny Panties

You have pretty much given up on trying to ever get laid. Cats are your best friends and the only alcohol you drink is red wine. In your opinion, dating apps are stupid, and you prefer to call your crush instead of texting them all the time. You are all about comfort instead of style, or no panty lines, or sex.

Thong

A thong girl is a hot diva. You like sex..a lot, but are not a total nympho. You have higher standards for everyone in your life, especially boyfriends. If you are going to date someone, they better be sexy as hell like you, pay for everything, and listen to you bitch about your teacher giving you a C instead of an B. Your friends are constantly asking you for beauty advice, most of which you learned off of Pinterest. You’re confident AF, and everyone who is anyone loves you for it.

Spanx

SUCK. IT. IN. You probably bought a gorgeous dress that you want to wear to your formal. It looked good in the store a month ago, but you ate too much pizza since then. Now you are a little insecure and decided the best way to look foxy is to wear Spanx.

Boy Shorts

For some reason, guys are extremely attracted to boy shorts, which is why you wear them. A chick that wears boy shorts is super laid back, but also knows she is hot shit. You’ve broken up with all of your boyfriends and still receive “I miss you” texts all the time. You are also the type of person who will order a salad, and then eat all of your friends’ fries. Makeup isn’t really your thing, but you at least put in a little effort by wearing mascara. You’re a simple girl who has a sex goddess edge.

Bikini

You’re not a total prude, but you definitely follow the rules. Think Plain Jane. You have probably been dating the same guy for three years, and he is the only real boyfriend you have ever dated. You are your daddy’s little angel. Your friends love you because you are a total sweetheart and are always there to watch rom-coms when someone breaks their heart.

Tiny Workout Shorts

Any girl who wears tiny workout shorts as underwear is a confused wannabe Instagram fitness model. These shorts are great for attention, and that’s why you post pictures of yourself wearing them on Instagram and Twitter. You’re the obnoxious girl that takes too many selfies to post on your Snapchat story. The only friends you have are either guys who not so secretively want to get you in bed, or girls who are just as boy crazy as you are.

Commando

“So are you going to drown in this pussy or what?”

Image via Shutterstock

Email this to a friend

Kellie Stritz

Kellie, spelled with an "ie," practically resides at Starbucks even though they have yet to spell her name correctly. She's obsessed with the color pink, Elle Woods, and Bitmoji's. Her biggest accomplishment is breaking the record within her sorority for how many standards hearings she has had without getting kicked out. She spends her free time trying to stay tan (i.e. sunburnt) and stalking people on social media.

0 Comments You must log in to comment, or create an account

For More Photos and Videos

Latest podcasts

Download Our App

Take TSM with you. Get

New Stories

Load More