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What Your Winter Boots Say About You

What Your Boots Say About You

Sheepskin
There are two types of winter boots every basic girl has in her closet. The first are unshapely yet so very comfy sheepskin boots. Wearing these shoes says that you either do not give a shit about today, you’re going to the gym, or that you appreciate high school fashion trends (see also: sequin Uggs). You like a shoe that you can pair with almost anything: jeans, leggings, and even — yes, people do this — sweatpants. The fact that last year’s salt marks make you look like a hobo doesn’t bother you because no matter how much you clean them, they’ll always end up dirty again anyway.

Equestrian
The second winter boot of every girl’s wardrobe is of the equestrian variety. They are for the days when you would at least like to appear put together (even though you’re totally wearing leggings that haven’t been washed in the last two weeks). They are the preppy girl’s go-to for literally every outfit. Going to class? Equestrian boots. Tailgating with your favorite frat? Equestrian boots. Shopping date with Mom? Equestrian boots. Too lazy for heels this weekend? Equestrian boots. In the winter, you won’t go anywhere that matters without them or your matching monogrammed clutch.

Duck Shoes
Okay, all you fashion bloggers in the making. Can you tell me one thing? How the hell did these shoes become fashionable? It’s like you got sick of the weather ruining your cute winter boots and decided to turn the “mom look” into something it’s not. Even I want a pair now. What is happening to this world? The only people who actually need to wear these boots are northerners, specifically of the New England and Great Lakes regions, because snow. And, I mean, what else would you wear with super cute wool socks while walking your adorable labradoodle around Central Park?

Fur Trimmed
Some people get snow in the winter. Sometimes there’s a flurry here and a flurry there, and then there are places that get SNOW. You refuse to sacrifice your sense of fashion for a few months of that miserable white stuff, and that’s why you have these furry cuties for all your various snow bunny outings. Whether you’re on a ski trip in Aspen, visiting your grandparents in Buffalo, or studying abroad in Munich, these boots paired with your full-length parka are sure to get you through the winter without looking hideous or getting frostbite.

Wellingtons
If you own a pair of wellies, with or without the wellie socks, you most likely live in Seattle, Portland, or somewhere in the South where it rains much more than it will ever snow. These boots are also another look for the ever-growing “prepster” generation. If you have these boots, it’s almost impossible not to take an Instagram photo of them along with your pink puffy vest and your grandma’s pearls.

Combat
While these shoes are getting more popular, they are still mainly worn by two genres of people: hipsters and people with really skinny legs. No one else can really pull them off. If you have these boots in your wardrobe, you definitely wear them with some sort of bunched up socks and one of two outfits: skinny jeans and an army jacket or tights, or a dark floral skirt and an oversized cardigan. Earth tones, black, and a dash of mustard yellow represent the entirety of your closet (except that pink sweater your mom made you wear in the family Christmas picture last year). I won’t say you’re lacking in style because I wear dresses that most grandmothers would find acceptable, but you could try spicing it up a bit now and then. Anyway, to each her own.

Ankle Booties
If you’re wearing ankle booties this season, you probably live somewhere where winter doesn’t actually happen. You don’t know what it’s like to spend all your Christmas money on expensive, amazing boots only to have them ruined in the winter weather. You don’t know how hard it is to scrub salt marks from sheepskin or suede. You will never know the heartbreak of soaking your favorite leather boots and turning them into a damaged reminder that winter fucking sucks. Good for you. Strut around in your cute, clean, chunky, peep-toe booties all winter while I cry into my ruined designer boots until May.

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premed donna

Who said you can't be smart and funny? When I'm not writing for TSM, you can find me studying into oblivion, downing a bottle of chardonnay, and/or sobbing for reasons I have yet to understand. All hate fan mail can be sent to premed.donna.tsm@gmail.com.

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