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When Your Booty Call Wants More

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Who doesn’t love some casual, no strings attached sex? Trick question, everyone loves it. And I don’t mean friends with benefits either — I said no strings, and FWB has enough strings to knit a goddamn sweater. I’m talking about a booty call, a hookup, a fuck buddy. The person you only text Thursdays through Saturdays and exclusively past 11 p.m. These situations are the crown jewels of college because they make your weekends not so lonely and require no emotional maintenance at all. At least, that’s what you think until Cupid comes and fucks it all up.

I’m not saying I’m an expert in these situations but I’m basically an inch away from graduating with my Ph.D. in failed fuck buddies. Flashback to last year, to a Friday night where I thought with my vodka instead of my brain. It started where all love stories start — a dirty frat dance floor around 2 a.m. This guy and I had met a few times prior but my drunk mind decided why not go from a few conversations to hooking up? Such an obvious progression I know.

I wish my story ended there but if you know me well then you know that it only went downhill from there. For the better part of that year, this guy and I regularly hooked up and it was absolutely amazing. But this was the calm before the storm. Rain began to fall when I tried to call it quits after he yelled at me for not going back to his place. Why did I say no, you ask? It was five in the afternoon, a far cry from our usual 1:30 a.m. appointments. A red flag that something had changed our routine and I should have known it was the feels.

Was getting yelled at in the middle of a day party the end of it? The answer is of course not, it just got worse. A whole summer apart didn’t seem to help because when we came back to school he had hoped right back on the me train. He went from 0 to 100 real quick. It went from him trying to convince to come over to trying to convince me to cuddle and stay the night.

I somehow convinced a guy to fall in love with me through late night hookups and no emotional investments. If you ask me, taking a girl home from a party and having her leave after the deed doesn’t scream commitment but I did the impossible. I mean, honestly I never even had his number saved, how much farther from relationship territory can you be.

How do you tell someone you don’t have feelings for them when the whole situation called for zero feelings in the first place? If you want to take a page from my advice book then go for the cut off all contact method. And I mean all contact. I was even avoiding eye contact at one point. Don’t answer phone calls or texts, responding will only lead him on. Or do what I did and block his number so you won’t feel guilty for not responding. If that doesn’t work, be the bigger person and try to tell them that you don’t feel the same way.

Make it clear to them that you are pursuing other options. I accomplished this by very obviously flirting with everyone but him and explicitly dancing in plain view. At this point, you’ll be curious to see if all your hard work has paid off but you can’t slack off. It’s right around this point I heard that my old fuck buddy professed his love for me to many mutual friends. Learn from my mistakes, you can’t give up now. Continue all previous steps until they no longer smile when they see you. Only then you can breathe easy.

Until next time they see you and fall head over heels again, that is.

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Still Drunk in Seattle

Majoring in bad decisions and minoring in jäger bombs.

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