We all love to love the Disney princesses. We basically spent the beginning half of our lives wishing we could be one of them. We watched the movies over and over again, screaming the lyrics as loud as our eight-year-old voices would allow. We dressed up as our favorites for Halloween, convincing ourselves that we made the best Cinderella out of all of our friends. But have you ever really stopped to think about all of the strings attached to being Disney royalty?
Your hair has to look perfect all the time.
Who has time for that? Seriously, Ariel comes out of the ocean, dripping wet, and her hair is still impeccable. I don’t know what kind of products she was using, but like most girls, I closely resemble a wet dog when I exit any large body of water. Nobody needs that kind of pressure to look flawless every second of every day. Plus, I’m pretty sure hair like that breaks multiple laws of physics.
Snow White was fourteen. FOURTEEN. Remember what you were doing at age fourteen? It’s more than likely you spent seven hours a day at school wishing you were somewhere else. The rest of your waking hours were spent at extracurricular activities you only half cared about or pretending to do homework while actually Facebook stalking your latest crush. Besides the fact that Snow White was living on her own with seven men (can you say scandalous?), she was also trying to fight off an evil stepmother who was trying to poison her. We could barely make it to school on time, forget about being brought back from the dead by your one true love.
They’re treated as objects.
Jasmine’s father is ready to ship her off with the first guy he finds. I don’t know about you, but I would like some say in who I date, and a whole lot of say in who I marry. I love my dad and all, but I do not trust him to pick out the man I’m supposed to spend the rest of my life with. He can barely pick out his own clothes.
Your voice has to be incredible.
Name a Disney princess who can’t sing. I dare you. Every single one of them can belt out an aria like it’s nobody’s business. Even Mulan can break it down like Beyoncé, and she spends all of her time fighting the Huns. If you can’t sing, you would basically just be an embarrassment to all of the Disney princesses. Who would want that? Uh, no thanks.
You’ll have daddy issues.
Whether your father is an overprotective king or he tragically passed away and left you with your evil stepmother, there is no lack of daddy issues among the misfit bunch of Disney princesses. None of us need another reason to chase after boys who don’t want us. Cough, cough — Princess Anna — cough, cough. Could Prince Hans be any more of a scumbag? Save the daddy issues for soap operas. No one needs that in her real life.
I hate to crush your dreams, but being a Disney princess isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. I’d rather have my freedom and right to down a few drinks at happy hour than be locked up in a tower any day of the week..