We all know that one boy who sleeps with everyone. I’m not talking about the typical fraternity gentleman, who enjoys a good time with his slampiece of the moment, because let’s be honest, that’s half the guys you know. This guy is much worse than that. He made his way through every room in your dorm. He was the sole male proprietor of the freshman-wide herpes outbreak. He’s with a different girl every night, and you always wonder how anyone could fall for his tricks, because he’s a huge asshole and he’s not that hot. If you’re drunk enough, he’s charming enough, but his reputation makes you wonder whether or not this manwhore can ever really commit. Still, there’s some kind of appeal.
Everyone loves the classic tale of a bad boy who changes for the right girl. We’ve seen it a hundred times: A Walk to Remember, How to Deal, Dirty Dancing, Reality Bites, She’s All That. We sang along to Grease before we knew the half of what the plot involved, but if you think back, all of our heroins’ heartthrobs were kind of sleazy. The story’s always the same. The guy in question sleeps around to pass the time, because in their cases, something monumentally horrid happened to him, making him crave nothing but one-nighters. Our classic love stories had us believing that for the right guy, we have the magic ability to turn the disease-infested lusts-of-our-lives into good guys.
When we come into contact with our own personal life-ruiner, it’s expected, but unfortunate, that we think we’re different. Sadly, no matter how different we are, he’s still the same. You can’t change someone who doesn’t want to change and it’s ridiculous that we even entertain the idea of trying. When you meet a potential new member, you never think She’d be a great sister if she wasn’t a liar, cheater, and the all-around worst person I’ve ever met! Girlfriend would be blacklisted pronto, and we certainly wouldn’t obsess over our loss. So why do we do that for him, when it’s either impossible or not worth the time?
If you happen to take what every romantic comedy ever has taught you to mean that you can turn a bad boy good, you can’t blame yourself, because then you’d be Taylor Swift. Girls get duped by these con artists because they’re basically professional creeps. The only thing that makes a girl “different” is that she thinks she’s immune to his douchebaggery. Spoiler alert: alcohol is her proverbial kryptonite, too.
When you go to bed with a scumbag, the dangers are plentiful, but the worst among them is that you run the risk of catching the worst disease you can get from sleeping with a guy — no, not herpes (gross) — feelings. They’re annoying, and awful, and exactly what will take this from one night of fun, to one month, semester, year of torture. I know you think you’re special because he told you you’re “not like other girls,” and that he “really wants to be with you,” but that’s only because he couldn’t tell you the alternative. What was he going to say “You’re exactly like every other girl I’ve slept with, but I’d like to make you a notch on my Vineyard Vines belt?” Of course not. He spent good money on the drinks that are making this hookup from hell possible, so he’s not going to ruin it by telling you *gasp* the truth. Guys like this love the game, because they know exactly how to win it.
So, there’s no reason to blame yourself. When a person tells you something enough times, as cynical as you might be, eventually you’re bound to believe it. With just a little convincing, even Snow White fell for the poison apple trick, and she’s a princess. So what, she bit into a juicy, delicious apple, and all you put to your lips was a teeny, tiny worm, the point is, when the bad guy came, you were just a little too trusting, and that’s not your fault.
Feel comforted knowing this guy will be single long after college, because he can’t end the only committed relationship he’s ever been in, the one he has with his sex addiction (his poor sex addiction doesn’t know he’s been flirting with alcoholism behind her back for ages). By the time he’s willing to quit trolling for Pikachu on his own, because he’s finally realized all his friends are settling down and having babies, you’ll be well into your happily ever after, and what will he be left with? Some woman who’s as crazy as he is. Don’t worry, your walk on the wild side doesn’t make you a Cha Cha DiGregorio instead of a Sandy, it just means he’s no Danny Zuko, because despite what every chick flick says, most guys aren’t going to change. Not even for you.