As I lay in my big’s bed, playing with her hair, feeding her fro-yo and wine, one thing became abundantly clear to me: dating the unattainable guy, the guy who seems too good to be true, will ruin your life. Of course, my big has seen me through my share of heartbreaks and she has always been the first to get me back on my feet, but this was different. My big is my role model. She’s the one who encouraged me to apply to law school, the one who taught me how to drink, and the one who showed me firsthand how to be the most amazing recruitment chair ever, all without getting one hair out of place. To see her destroyed over a guy she’d dated years ago was absolutely absurd to me. Who on earth could possibly do this to the most kick-ass-and-take-names girl I’ve ever met? Answer: The Unattainable Guy. I knew her ex had just gotten engaged, and don’t get me wrong, that sucks, but I couldn’t understand why she was so torn up over a guy I’d only heard her mention a few times. Once we’d wrapped up the entire bottle of wine and the container of fro-yo was long empty, I asked her to tell me the whole story. I’d try to summarize it, but it’s better coming from her.
Queen_ B_ JD:
I’d dated in college, but hadn’t had a serious college relationship until I met the life-ruiner, “Daniel.” Daniel was the kind of guy that you admired from afar but never actually talked to, so it was a shock when he added me on Facebook. After he’d ever-so-conveniently timed a few flirtatious Valentine’s Day messages, I realized that we had a ton in common. He was too good to be true, and I soon found myself with my phone constantly by my side as I awaited his next message.
Eventually, Daniel asked for my number and invited me on a “low key” hangout that was “not a date.” It just so happened that this “friendly hangout” turned out to be the night I felt everything just click. We talked for hours, and I was hooked. Soon, we had our first official date. Daniel showed up on his motorcycle, looking all tall, dark, and handsome, with a pair of concert tickets in hand for my favorite band. We were both nervous, but it turned into a perfect night that ended with a perfect first kiss.
It wasn’t long before we were official, and he was doing all the things every girl wants from a guy. I’d walk out of my house in the morning to find my car covered in flowers. He’d hide sweet notes in my house so I’d find them after he left. He’d play piano and sing me songs that made my heart melt. He was smart, incredibly smart, and we’d have the best conversations.
When he took me home to meet his family, I knew this guy was actually too good to be true. We pulled into the driveway of what I can only describe as a mansion, and he proceeded to show me around his hometown in his family’s helicopter. Six months later, he mentioned the M-word: marriage. I was thrilled. He was everything I’d ever wanted. He was perfect. We were perfect…until I was accepted to law school. My world came crashing down the next day when Daniel broke up with me, claiming that he could never marry a lawyer, and my fairytale came to an end as quickly as it began.
As I listened to my big tell her story, I was in shock. He broke up with her for planning to go to law school! This guy was such an asshole. Why couldn’t she see it? And more importantly, why couldn’t she move on? I finally realized it was because she’d spent the entire duration of their relationship building this guy up in her head to a (Greek) god-like status, one that no one could ever live up to. She was completely devestated when it was over because she was convinced she’d never meet anyone else like him.
This is actually an extremely common phenomenon. Most, if not all of us, have an ex that we’ve built up to be so completely perfect that when things end, we’re absolutely crushed, assuming no one will ever compare to this guy we’d obtained who should have been unattainable. Sure, my “unattainable guy” didn’t have a helicopter, but he treated me perfectly. I imagined our futures together and I melted when he looked into my eyes. For years, I turned down dates with other guys because they weren’t him. Now, I can see that I sat on the sidelines and ignored plenty of perfectly acceptable guys, because I insisted upon holding them to the absurd standard of what I’d built him up to be in my head.
Maybe the “unattainable guy” is someone who is best avoided. I won’t tell you to run from him, but if the time comes for someone to walk away, make sure your award-winning recruitment smile is the last thing he sees. You can smile to yourself as you leave this guy behind, because the guy who’s actually attainable? He’ll be just as good, if not even better, than the one that got away.