Why You’re Not Getting Hit On At Bars


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Hit On

It’s a borderline epidemic to me that fun and pretty girls are going out week after week and guys just aren’t talking to them. And I’m not just saying these girls are pretty because this is a women’s publication and I’m obligated to say all women are beautiful. Sometimes, girls who are actually pretty have a hard time meeting guys when they go out to the bars. And it’s not because they aren’t attractive, and it’s not because Tinder is ruining everything for them. Frankly, though, it’s their own faults. Dick hunting takes at least some level of strategy. You can’t just go out and wait for it. You need to put in at least a little bit of effort and frame yourself in the right way if you want guys to talk to you. This is probably what you’re currently doing wrong.

1. It’s a numbers game, and you’re playing it wrong.

Something you probably don’t think about is the number of girls in your squad for the night, but it’s really important. You should always try to roll out with three girls. Four can work, but anything else, and you might as well have stayed home. If you’re just out with you and one other girlfriend, while possible, it’s a little harder to meet guys, because it has to be two perfect matches. A dude is not going to walk up and start talking to you if his friend doesn’t like your friend, because that leaves three unfavorable options:

  1. He goes it alone, and your friend sits there annoyed and ignored.
  2. He comes up with his friend who is going to have shitty conversation with your friend, because neither of them are feeling it.
  3. He’s out with three friends, and the third dude is left out while the first two chat you and your girl up.

If there are three girls in your squad, it allows for “friendly” conversation between the rest of the group, even if no one’s feeling each other. When we get more than four girls, you come upon what I call “The Bachelorette Party Effect.” Everyone pretty much hates bachelorette parties, because it’s just a bunch of girls who are screaming and being hyper-feminine. Someone’s probably crying. Someone’s probably texting her ex. And there’s ALWAYS a mom in that squad, who pretty much exists to take everyone out of the moment for a group picture, yell at you that it’s time to go to the next bar, or make some cunty comment to make sure you’re really trying to talk to that guy.

Three is best. Four can work. No more. No less. Trust.

2. You have too many dudes with you.

You know a really good way to make sure guys think you’re unapproachable? Be with other guys. For a frame of reference, the number of dudes you should try to have out with you on a given night if you’re trying to meet guys is zero. If you’re out with your guy friends or worse, your girl friends’ boyfriends, you pretty much have no shot.

Guys have no idea if any of the boys you’re with belong to you, and EVEN if he has a pretty good idea you’re not taken, the effort of infiltrating a mixed gender group is just not worth it. Walking up to a pretty girl is intimidating. Feeling like you need to “prove” yourself to her guy friends first, who may or may not be weirdly protective of her just isn’t worth it for a random girl across the bar. He doesn’t want to make small talk with other dudes. He didn’t come here to make friends. And he definitely doesn’t want to waste his postgame booze or drugs on other men.

Leave your guy friends home. And if your girl friends want to bring their boyfriends? Leave all of them home. We already discussed that your squad is too big anyway.

3. You look like shit.

I don’t mean that you’re ugly. I mean that you came to the bar not looking your best. You don’t always have to be TOFTB when you go out, but it doesn’t hurt. Guys love T&A. That is tried and true, so don’t overcomplicate it, or think that your personality is going to shine through your cardigan. Boys approach you in the bar based on how you look, so do your best to look hot. When you go out, just dress like you’re going out. Don’t wear a giant t-shirt and Norts because you think it’s funny. You look disgusting. A little skin and some makeup never hurt anyone.

4. You’re not having fun.

I once had a friend who’d go out to the bar and post up against a wall, waiting for guys to notice her. She did the classic “look around,” keeping an eye out for any potentials, and the conversation with her generally revolved around “oh, maybe that guy over there.” That shit doesn’t work.

Guys know what you’re doing and you don’t look like you’re fun to be around if you can’t even have fun with your girlfriends. Sure, the main purpose of your night might be to find some boys to make out with, but you do that by drawing attention to yourself, not by being a wallflower. The girl who’s taking shots and dancing gets more play than the girl sitting down ~waiting~ ten times out of ten.

5. You’re not giving him a preliminary “yes.”

I can not stress this enough, but walking up to a girl in a bar, striking a conversation when you have nothing at all to reference, and hoping she doesn’t straight up reject you is intimidating, even for guys who are cool and good-looking. We toss the word “creep” around way too often, and for some guys, the approach isn’t even worth it. Plus, we’re fucking mean. We bitch and moan constantly that we’re fat, ugly, and undesirable, but the second a guy (who we aren’t into) tries to talk to us, we act like we’re fucking Cleopatra, and we’re straight up rude in our rejections. Some girls give dirty looks, some girls make bitchy comments, and some girls just straight up turn their backs to the guys who were brave enough to talk to them.

So, the number one most important thing is to let a guy know that if he talks to you, he’s not going to strike out — or at the very least, he’s not going to be humiliated after he says “hi.” Make eye contact with guys you want to talk to. Smile at him. Maybe make eye contact a second time so he knows the first time wasn’t a fluke. If you are doing this, boys are going to come talk to you. Eye fucking some guy doesn’t make you the aggressor in the situation, so don’t pull the “but I want him to come to me” thing. It’s just the IRL right swipe he needs to come be the aggressor himself.

Veronica (@VeronicaRuckh) is the Director of Total Sorority Move for Grandex, Inc. After having spent her undergraduate years drinking $4 double LITs on a patio and drunk texting away potential suitors, she managed to graduate with an impressive GPA and an unimpressive engagement ring -- so unimpressive, in fact, some might say it's not there at all. Veronica has since been fulfilling her duties as "America's big," a title she gave to herself with the help of her giant ego. She has recently switched from vodka to wine on weekdays. Email her at veronica@grandex.co

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